I’ve been spending a lot of time lately trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. It’s a tough choice. It’s even tougher when you’re 35 years old and a mother of two. Those realities don’t necessarily limit your option, but they sure do define them. I feel tired these days. Not of life (never of life) but of trying to become what and who I want.
Paisley turned five in January. Five seemed like a big one to me. She starts kindergarten next fall and is turning into a big kid right before my eyes. Parenting is bittersweet – you want them to grow up. I mean, that is the objective. You want them to be healthy and eventually, a fully-functioning adult. And yet, there are days where you just want them to stop. This age, and every age before it, has been a study in wonder and innocence. Paisley is creative without knowing it. She is sweet and gentle without feeling vulnerable. She is joyous without the anchoring regard for what others around her might think. She will dance naked in the living room and feel nothing but sheer jubilation. She goes to sleep each night with peace and a sense of security. She looks at the world with awe and a sense of wonder and reverence. She loves with abandon and tells you “Don’t do that!” when she doesn’t like something. She has a lot to teach me.
It has been a long fall. We had a miscarriage (that’s 7 pregnancies in total now) in October that has left my life a little topsy-turvy. I had a d&c that, as it turns out, wasn’t succesful so my hormones have been crazy. The doctor put me on Misoprostol and that lovely little process has only just finished. Hoping we can get a clear ultrasound next week and just put that behind us. As for the other after-effects of this pregnancy, who knows. Shortly after the miscarriage, my hubby informed me that he is now 100% sure he does not want another baby. I came out even more sure than I had been going in to this that I desperately do want another baby. Love can build a bridge but it can’t span this divide I’m afraid. The respectful but exhausting debate rages on. I get where he is coming from. He gets where I am coming from but neither one of us seems able to cross the line. Any experience with this one?
Deciding to have a child was an easy choice for me to make. I always knew that I eventually wanted to have kids and I was excited to become a Mom. Number two was also an easy choice because I had never really entertained the idea of having an only child. Now we are faced with the decision to have more or stick with two and it’s proving to be a tough decision for me (and my hubby). Continue Reading
For once I will actually believe anyone who says they are reading Playboy for the articles! This interview with Richard Dawkins is a good read and will arm any atheist with enough information to refute a number of silly claims.
Several years ago, Richard Dawkins wrote his then-ten-year-old daughter a letter. In the letter he explains the importance of evidence and outlines three bad reasons to believe a statement is true (tradition, authority and revelation). Like most things that Dawkins writes, it is clear, concise and convincing. He is obviously passionate about reason and science and instilling these values in his child
After a melt down, followed by a hug:
“Mom, I just have one more, sob, thing to, sob, say…”
“Ok fine, as long as it’s positive.”
“It is. I don’t like you.”
“That’s not positive Paisley.”
“Fine. I’m positive I don’t like you.”
This recent article about reducing screen-time for young kids centres around childhood obesity and decreasing activity levels, but the take home message is the same. Get the kids away from the digital devices and into the real world. This issue has never been more relevant than it is today. I remember watching TV as a kid (especially in the winter as I grew up in a very cold climate) but mostly I remember playing a lot. Today, everywhere I look, young kids are playing with iPads, iPhones and portable gaming devices. They are plugged in and zoned out. They are usually sitting next to their plugged in, zoned out parents.
Well, it happened. Just like I knew it would. Except it was worse than I had imagined and I felt more uncomfortable than I might have predicted.
For the past few weeks, Paisley has been asking me a lot about religion and prayer. It all started when she asked why her Grandpa prays before eating. We explained to her that some people thank God before they eat. We told her that some people believe in God, and some people don’t. When asked what God was we replied that he was a man who lives in the sky and takes care of you. I thought that was an age appropriate way to explain a complicated (and let’s be honest – confusing) concept. Ever since then she has been asking more questions. I explained that I used to believe in God but that after looking at the evidence I decided that I didn’t any more. Which led to a conversation about evidence. We talked about believing in flying ducks versus flying pigs. I went through each example, offering evidence for and against each claim. At the end of our conversation she stated that “I don’t believe in a man in the sky or that pigs can fly.” I had a bad feeling about going to see the in-laws for Easter dinner.