Posts tagged ‘thoughts’
Happy New Year!
Okay, so as you may have guessed (or perhaps not by my late arrival to 2012), that this blog and you, my readers, make up a big chunk of my resolutions for this year. I need to get my shit together and write more often and more regularly. It’s not that I don’t have things to say, I just struggle to find the time to say them. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night with a post in my head but I just can’t leave the warm bed to sit down and write. Especially when I’m sleep deprived as it is. At any rate – bear with me. I’m here and 2012 is going to be a good year.
I’m not usually a big fan of these viral “fill in the blank” thingys, but I found this one at nothingbutbonfires (a favourite of mine if only because I have started to just travel vicariously through its writer. Sigh. Kids and being broke have seriously damaged my travel cred ) so here goes nothing:
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Umm, I gave birth to a boy. I moved to a new little town. I ran 9 miles (all at once!). I watched one of my brothers get married. I would like to say that I got myself into the full splits since this has been on my list of New Year’s resolutions for 6 or 7 years now but alas, 2011 was not the year.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Please see above. As far as my other resolutions go, yes, I kept most of the ones I can remember. (Isn’t that convenient?) I tried to get outside every day. I lost the baby weight. I worked to be a better wife and Mom. I tried to get down on the floor at least once a day and play with Paisley. I tried to say “Not right now – I’m busy” as little as possible. I made a bunch of new recipes.We made a huge change in order to improve our quality of life and I feel pretty good about that.
What I did not do was write as much as I had wanted, take as many pictures as I wanted and as previously mentioned, get down into the splits.
I am a resolution junkie. I make them every year and the list is usually exhaustive and unrealistic. It leaves little room for error or the realities of life with kids. Example: I will wake at 5:30 every morning and go for a run before sitting down with a coffee to write. When writing I will devote the first 30 minutes to my blog and the next half hour to the novel that I am sure is lurking deep within me. Yeah. Tthat very quickly turns into me stumbling out of bed at 7:30 after being roused for the third time by an incessantly hungry baby and a preschooler who insists that “my tummy is telling me I’m hungry and it’s YELLING!” and barely managing to have a coherent conversation with my husband before he abandons me head off for work. I don’t care what anyone says, exhaustion does not breed inspiration.
And yet – I’ll do it again. Cuz a girls gotta dream.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I did. It doesn’t get any closer than that.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no. I was pretty sad about Hitch but I obviously didn’t know him personally.
5. What countries did you visit?
Oh piss off. I remember when I could actually answer that question with a straight face.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Money, time and energy. Now that we are out of the newborn stage I am pretty sure I will have the latter two. As for money, that remains to be seen. I am thinking of picking up some part time work but I haven’t quite figured out what that looks like yet. Maybe I could combine my life-long goal of getting into the splits with a lucrative internet business?
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 23 – Declan was born. October 15th – my youngest brother was married. September 13th – we took possession of our new place. In December we went to see “Q” live with Jian Ghomeshi and it rocked my world.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Making the decision to move, pulling the trigger and doing it well (i.e. without killing each other, losing a kid or getting divorced) is the one thing I am most proud of. We were caught in the rat race and knew that we weren’t living our “authentic” lives. So many people live their lives by default and that is one thing that we have always tried to avoid. We made an opportunity and we took it and our lives are so much better for it. Every morning when I wake up in this house, in this cute little town and I have coffee with my husband before he heads down the street to his office I think, “Holy shit do I love it here.” That’s a good feeling.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Probably not writing here as much as I would like. And dare we mention the splits once more?
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The pregnancy was touch and go for a while and Declan was a twin until we lost one at 6 weeks. Oh, and I had a c-section but other than that, not really.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A house.
12. Where did most of your money go?
Who knows? Mortgage, bills…the usual. I will say that moving is very expensive and I won’t be doing that again in a hurry.
13. What did you get really excited about?
I got excited about our new family and having a little boy to get to know. I got excited about our new life in a new town. I got excited that Mad Men was coming back. And then it was over again before I knew it and then I got excited about it coming back again. Oh, and let us not forget, jeggings.
14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
I don’t know. I thing “Like a G6″ will definitely remind of this period in my life, if not this year specifically. Paisley loves it and calls it her “dancy song”. I smile every time I hear it.
15. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? Thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?
Happier, much happier. About the same. Poorer.
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Write. Travel. Sleep.
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worry. Spend mindless hours on the internet.
18. How did you spend Christmas?
We stayed close to home this year and spent time hanging out with friends and family. I fussed too much and did too much but other than that it was really nice.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
Mad Men. Entourage. Gossip Girl. Pretty Little Liars. And I’m trying to like PanAm…I’m really trying.
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
Oh wow. I read a lot so to be honest I can’t even remember what I read. I know I loved The Colony of Unrequited Dreams (Wayne Johnston) and Freedom by Jonathan Franzen.
21. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I planned a big party and then a few days before, remembered I was pregnant and tired and cancelled it. Instead I went out for a quiet dinner with my husband and celebrated my 33rd birthday as lamely as possible.
22. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Winning the lottery? Eating more seafood. Hiring a personal masseuse.
23. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
“Wear whatever you find lying around until you lose the baby weight and even then, ensure that any item of clothing purchased is comfortable, stain-resistant and cheap.” Result? New Year’s resolution of “Be a hip mama” left unmet. Again.
24. What kept you sane?
My husband. My kids. Exercise.The few hours I managed to get to myself. Writing. Early nights. Bubble baths.
25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Living an authentic life is the only way to be happy. Don’t check to see if the baby is poopy by slipping your finger into the diaper.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
So, this year? I’m running a half marathon, blogging regularly, making a point of trying to be present and appreciateive of my daily life and I’m going to try to learn to be more assertive. And if I can find time, I’ll take over the world. Oh, and do the splits.
Christopher Hitchens: 1949 – 2011
We all knew he was dying. For the past few weeks I have thought about him for that split second before I turned on the radio or computer and wondered. I sent him a letter, two actually, in the weeks before he died – thousands of people did. We all wanted him to know that he had changed our lives, made us a little braver, a little less afraid and a lot more certain that we weren’t alone in our non-belief. Despite all that, I felt so sad when I heard.
For me, Christopher Hitchens made the arguments I felt but could never articulate. His way with words often left me in awe. How could someone think so clearly, rationally and linearly and then describe his thoughts so powerfully?! He was passionate, incredibly prolific and a powerful advocate for rational thought. Some people found him to acerbic, confrontational and controversial. I loved him, even when I disagreed with him. I get tired, in this day and age of political correctness, of people mincing words. If you have an opinion, fight for it. If you have the gift of language that Hitch had, you use it. When you see something so absurdly wrong about the world, you change it.
Hitchens was a humanitarian in the truest sense of the word. He aspired for greatness for all of us, for everyone. He wanted us to rise above our base superstitions and fears and long-expired wisdoms and think for ourselves. He saw religion and dogma and theocracy for what they are – shackles on humanity. Dogmatic thought (whether religious or otherwise) keeps us from reaching our potential for creativity, happiness and kindness. He knew we could be better, even when faced with evidence to the contrary. No wonder he sometimes seemed so angry.
He was a voice for atheists everywhere. He, along with his neo-atheist counterparts, made being an atheist something to be proud of. He made being religious look silly and infantile. He cut through all the bullshit and held a mirror up to religion and the religious – this is what your book says, this is how you act, this is what you claim to believe and this is what you’ve done to the world. It was not a pretty image. Nobody wanted to see it.
Christopher Hitchens was a giant and all I can hope for is that his memory will live on and make all of us aim to articulate a little better, think a little harder and feel proud of the fact that we used our brains to come to a conclusion that we aren’t afraid or embarrassed of. We are atheists and we are fortunate to have kept company with one truly great man. May he live on in reason.
“The only position that leaves me with no cognitive dissonance is atheism. It is not a creed. Death is certain, replacing both the siren-song of Paradise and the dread of Hell. Life on this earth, with all its mystery and beauty and pain, is then to be lived far more intensely: we stumble and get up, we are sad, confident, insecure, feel loneliness and joy and love. There is nothing more; but I want nothing more.”
― Christopher Hitchens, The Portable Atheist: Essential Readings for the Non-believer
Parenting Beyond Belief
I get a lot of emails and comments from parents who are recently “out of the closet” atheists and are feeling very alone. Many of you readers are the only atheist family you know and are struggling with how to parent and don’t have anyone to talk to. The comments I read always make me feel frustrated – there really are a lot of us out there but we haven’t figured out yet how to form a cohesive group without getting churchy about it. :) I am glad that this site has made some of you feel less alone and I am always happy to hear from you.
This book is a great read and an excellent resource for those of you who are new to secular parenting. It has a lot of funny/sweet anecdotes and some really practical advice from leading atheists on how to provide our kids with a sound foundation in secular life. One of the biggest misconceptions about raising atheist kids is that they will be immoral. (Despite unending evidence to the contrary- because who needs evidence when you’ve got yourself an opinion?!) This book is further proof that it is possible to raise ethical, kind, critical-thinkers who do the right thing for the right reason and show empathy towards their fellow human beings. It will make you laugh, it will make you think about what you’re doing as a parent and at the very least it will remind you that you are not alone. Not even close.
In Defense of Polygamy
Today, a Canadian court upheld our anti-polygamy laws, in a case I have been following pretty closely. This case centers around the polygamous group living in Bountiful, British Columbia specifically and the law has been used to try and protect young women from being forced to marry. Now obviously, I think Bountiful and everything it stands for is sick, twisted and wrong. These young girls are born and raised in a sexist and abusive culture and have very little say in who they marry. Being wife number 6 to a 79-year-old man while still in your teens is wrong by anybody’s standards (well, I guess not everyone…yeah, I’m talking to you Warren Jeffs) and by no means do I support what those crazy Mormons are doing. (On a sidenote/rant: It drives me crazy to hear the rhetoric that the Mormon church and its members are using in order to distance themselves from all this muck. Do you know how many times I’ve heard people say “They aren’t Mormon!” or deny that they are a break-off from the Mormon church? This is what Mormonism looked like 100 years ago folks, deal with it. Ahh, that feels better.)
However, I don’t know that I’m really opposed to polygamy so much. I guess this is where some of my more libertarian views come crashing into my socially democratic ones. I don’t like the government telling people who they can and can’t be with. I’m a big supporter of gay marriage and straight marriage and any other kind of marriage provided everyone within said marriage is an adult and is happy to be there. I’ve looked into this a little and it turns out there is a whole community of people living in polyamorous relationships and they don’t look anything like they do in the cults/compounds of BC. There are women living with two husbands, men living with more than one wife…every configuration you can imagine (and I’m sure a few you can’t). They aren’t hurting anyone and if they want to have two husbands God help them that’s their choice.
Surely there are already laws in place to protect adult men from marrying under-aged girls several times over. I mean, really. If not then there should be. I’m just not sure that it should ban polygamy outright. There are days when a sister-wife would come in pretty handy.
Swamped
All my life I have been a very organized person. My husband always laughs about how he used to watch me (this is before he knew me) pull out 8 different coloured pens, two highlighters and a ruler just to take notes in class in University. I remember that too…I also remember leaving a class one day after realizing I hadn’t brought a ruler. The mere idea of an entire day’s worth of notes with crooked lines was too much for me. Okay, so maybe organized is the wrong word. Completely insane?
The point is, that despite my good time-management skills, I am struggling these days to sit down at the computer. I am enjoying having a new baby and my life otherwise is running smoothly but what I still can’t seem to do is find an hour of quiet time to myself during the day. And let’s be honest, if that doesn for some reason present itself, I use it to take a nap. So, my blog is suffering and I know it.
I miss writing and I miss the feeling of community I’ve always felt with this particular project. The only good thing is that a lot of my readers (Hi dear reader!) are Moms too and I’m hoping you’ll cut me some slack? Or at the very least give me some ideas? Baby is up between 6:00 and 6:30am (after eating a couple of times still through the night) and daughter is up at 7:00am which is why I am writing this now. I found a tiny sliver of time this morning and I grabbed a hold of it. Maybe that’s what I’ll have to do until things get a little better.
(Also – this baby loves me. A LOT. A lot more than his sister ever did and if I’m awake, he thinks I should be holding him or at the very least, talking with him. As I sit here writing this he is yelling at me to pick him up. It’s like he thinks I’m his mother or something.)
40 Weeks?
From the very beginning of this pregnancy I have been told by doctors that I will go into preterm labour. I have a bicornuate uterus, diabetes and a history of preterm labour (35.5 weeks) with my daughter. Here I am at 33 weeks and so far, nothing. Which is a good thing I know but I really hadn’t prepared mentally for much beyond 36 weeks. Everything is going so smoothly, I feel wonderful, I’ve managed to keep the weight gain to a reasonable amount and baby is as healthy as can be. For some reason I have a horrible feeling I am going to see April and then even mid-April while still sporting a giant belly. Isn’t that just the way?
My daughter who just turned three at the end of January is getting very excited to meet her little brother (did I tell you it was a boy? It’s a boy!) She tells me all the time about all the things she is going to do with him:
“I’m going to teach him how to eat. He can’t eat though because he doesn’t have teeth. I have teeth. That’s why I can talk. I like to talk. I am going to teach my baby brother how to talk. I am going to take him on a walk and show him the park and he can go on the swings with me. He’ll like that. I can hold him and carry him and I’m going to tickle him and make him laugh. Then we can have lunch and we can play airplane. I’m going to teach my brother how to dance and how to run and put your finger in someone’s eyes. People don’t like that. You shouldn’t do that. I will say ‘No baby! Don’t do that!’ I’m going to be a big sister because I’m so big now.” And so on, and so on, and so on.
If I believed in karma I would say I’m being punished for being such a chatterbox as a kid but I’ll just blame it on genetics. :)
A Medical Miracle
We received a frantic phone call on Friday night from my MIL informing us that my little BIL (who is serving his mission in Arizona) “blew out his knee” and might have to be released from his missionary duties in order to come home and recuperate. She was upset for a few reasons; she is a mother and of course, she wasn’t able to speak to her son directly, she was surprised and didn’t have all the information she wanted and above all, she was upset about his mission experience being jeopardized. My BIL is loving his mission experience so far and part of the appeal for missionaries and their families is that it is such a long stretch. Two years is a long time to do anything consistently. It is a long time to not see loved ones, only talk to them on the phone 4 times and to commit yourself as a servant of the Lord. Doing the time is part of what makes it such a huge deal, so cutting it in half would have been very upsetting for everyone involved.
My MIL wasn’t totally sure what had happened but was told by the missionary President’s wife (who apparently is responsible for keeping other Mother’s informed of their kid’s accidents/injuries etc.) that they would call back on Monday with more information. There was much concern and worry and discussion about what this would mean.
We called today only to be referred to an email that she had forwarded to us. Basically, my BIL is the proud recipient of a genuine miracle of God. You can only imagine my frustration upon hearing his version of events. He hurt his knee playing soccer and knew right away it was bad. They took him to a doctor who felt it and told him that he thought he may have torn his MCL and to stay off of it for the next few days until he could get an MRI. The bishop came and did a blessing on BIL’s knee. The pain did not subside and it was still pretty bad. On Monday the Bishop came and did another blessing after which my BIL’s knee started to feel a bit better. At the very least, he felt better. When they got the results back from the MRI it showed a small tear in the MCL but there is no need for surgery and his mission won’t be affected. I could hardly stomach reading the email as he launched into his testimony and assurances that he has re-committed himself with even more fervor into bringing the Gospel to the people and that he knows this and that is true and how blessed he is to have been a witness to the glory and power of God’s miraculous love. Blah, blah, blah.
Here is what I would like to say but will not:
1. Your first doctor? Yeah, he misdiagnosed your knee. Not difficult to do when you’re just feeling around someone’s inflamed joint.
2. If the blessing was so effective, why did it take two of them?
3. Maybe the looseness that you attribute to a torn ligament was just loose ligaments that tightened up after you followed the doctor’s suggestions to ice and rest your knee.
4. And perhaps my biggest complaint with all claims of miraculous healing…who do you think you are?! Let me get this straight. This omnipotent and benevolent God who has the power to heal the sick and dying skips over the truly needy only to fix your knee? While you were receiving a priesthood blessing in Arizona, countless women were cradling dying infants and children in their arms, begging and pleading for their lives. Terminally ill people begged for mercy. Innocent babies lay in the dirt, listless from starvation and dehydration. By morning, thousands of people have died painful, agonizing and wholly undeserved deaths but God fixed your knee. Are you kidding me? This to me is the height of egotism.
I thought about saying something but this boy has drunk bathed in the kool-aid and is now handing out free samples, so he’s beyond reasonable debate at this point.
Infinite Virginity (What a cool name for a band)…
Familiarity with your own religion (or at the least, the one you were raised in) often immunizes you from recognizing how weird it is. When I first met my husband I recall thinking “Mormons believe some really weird stuff! How can anyone with half a brain believe this!?” Then he asked me if I believed in transubstantiation and the ever-virgin Mary. The answer was that no, I didn’t and that furthermore, I didn’t know that as a Catholic I was even supposed to! The fact that I didn’t believe in half the things the Catholic church taught was actually one of the things that made me start questioning my faith. As soon as I started to see my own religion from the same distance as all the other ones, it ceased to hold any real significance for me. I quite happily threw the baby out with the bath water.
The ever-Virgin Mary was always a strange concept to me and one that I had given a lot of thought to. So, when I heard an author on the radio not too long ago, talking about sex and the bible I was very interested. His point was that in the Catholic church, it is believed that each human is born with original sin. This is why it was necessary for Jesus to have been born of a virgin, so that he was not tainted by this sin. It is also why Mary was forced to remain a virgin, so that she could remain a saint and sinless forever. Except, there is a problem. For Mary to her herself remain sinless, she too must have been born of a virgin. Uh oh. This is where the whole thing starts to unravel. (To be fair, anyone with a heart beat should recognize the absurdity of the ever-virgin claim before we get to this point, but I digress.) So was Mary’s mother also a virgin? And her mother and so on? Nobody ever gets into that because theological muddy waters are best avoided if you want to keep up the ruse.
Poor, poor Mary and Joseph. Born of a virgin-mother and a sexually frustrated father, forced to remain chaste and endure the death of her only (only?! that’s a whole other post) son on a stick in the desert, and wife to a very bitter man who must have been on the receiving end of a lot of jokes. And all for the love of a non-existent God and beatification by a sexually perverted church. Not much of a life is it? Better to have never existed at all. :)
Dancing With Death
One of the things I love most about reading other people’s blogs is that you get the opportunity to enter a whole new world. A completely different life, in another part of the planet, with a different point of view. I have a handful of blogs that I’ve been reading for years and one of them is Girl’s Gone Child. Rebecca isn’t wildly political or a baking savant – she is an intelligent, very hip Mom in the Los Angeles area who I happen to agree with on a lot of things. She is a little more ethereal in her approach to life than I probably am, but I find it refreshing. I love her little family and her little life and her closet full of clothes that I love on her but would never wear. One of the things I love about Rebecca (other than her poetic prose) is the amount of thought and consideration she gives to her parenting. Being a mother is a big, sometimes scary but always important job and too many people take it for granted and do it by default.
This most recent post by GGC got me thinking about death and what we tell our children about it. Death is as much a part of life as living and while I have always been sure I wouldn’t tell my kid some made up story about heaven and seeing their long-lost grandparents in the clouds, I would be lying if I said it was a conversation I am looking forward to. Reading Rebecca’s post however, made me feel a bit differently. Especially the part where she says that most people hold off talking about death to young people until they can understand it. I had never really thought how ridiculous that is. Nobody understands death. Why would kids be less capable than grown ups of wrestling with those very big ideas. If anything, they may have some very valuable insight – they haven’t learned yet to be afraid of death. To avoid thinking about it and dwelling on it until someone close to them dies and it is thrust into their life with fury. That’s no way to be introduced to death.
When it comes time to talk to my daughter about death, I want to treat it with the attention and respect it deserves. I don’t want to lie and I don’t want her to feel confused. She may feel afraid but at the very least, I want her to know that we can talk about it. That like other important subjects (sex, life, our bodies etc.) it is not off the table. I will tell her about heaven and what some people believe and I will tell her what I believe. Ultimately, the choice will be hers.
What conversations have you had with your children about death? What is your philosophy about death, dying and children?
Atheist Mom M.D.?
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a doctor. Not because of the money or the prestige but because I really, truly am fascinated by medicine and the human body. I studied biology in school and couldn’t get enough of it. I studied neuroscience in University and found it inspiring and fascinating. And then, I sort of lost my way.
I did okay in University but not as well as I should have. I smoked a lot of weed. Partly because I like having fun and I was young and getting high was, well, fun. Also because it calmed me and made the constant noise of my ever-churning brain a little easier to handle. I actually set out at one point to make myself a little dumber. I thought life would be easier that way. I lost motivation to become a doctor and at some point, put that long-held dream on a shelf (along with my far less realistic hope of becoming an olympic volleyball player). I decided instead to combine my love of science and writing and pursue a Master’s in Journalism. I thought that way I could inspire others and provide the average person with a deeper understanding and greater appreciation for science and the natural world. It didn’t take me long to realize that I wasn’t going to change the world and I became jaded about the state of journalism in general, never mind scientific journalism.
I got engaged. I went to work in Korea. I travelled the world. My husband got into law school and so we headed home so he could pursue his career and I could work to support us. The dream of being a doctor never disappeared. It festered and would come to the surface every once and awhile. I felt like a failure. I felt good that I was doing well in my job and that my writing was supporting us during otherwise lean times, but I knew I had lost a part of myself in the journey. Every time I went to a hospital I felt sick with sadness and bitterness. When I met other people my age who were in medical school I felt fiercely envious. My husband knew this and it would come up from time to time but always, it was unrealistic.
Before long I had come to terms (sort of) with the fact that I had missed my chance. I was getting older. I was horrible at organic chemistry and always had been. Calculus left me even more stumped. We were in student debt up to our ears. I was bound to fail, even if I did try. I became a mother and decided to stay at home. We bought a house that came with a nice big yard and an even bigger mortgage. My life long dream of becoming a doctor was just that, a dream. And that dream was dead.
And then one day a few months ago, I had what Oprah might call a “lightbulb moment”. (Jeez, I can’t believe I just used an Oprah-ism.) My dream was only over if I let it be over. Too old? What does that mean exactly? I will be forty in seven years whether I go to medical school or not. So I can be 40 and still bitter or I can make this happen. As an atheist I am fully aware that this life is the only chance I have. If I don’t do this, it won’t happen. Ever. And ever is a very long time.
There were a lot of tears and many conversations with my husbands. There were even more conversations with myself. “Are you nuts?” You are nearly 33 years old and expecting another baby!” “You can’t do this! Oh, yes I can. No, really, you can’t. Can I?!” And so on and so on. My husband has been nothing but supportive. He asked me very simply, “If we were to have a conversation when we are 80 years old – would not trying to go to medical school be your big regret?” And I answered that yes, it most certainly would. (barring no major screw-ups from here on in. :) “Well than you need to do this. Let’s make it happen.” Can’t ask for better than that.
So, here I am today. Still scared and totally unconvinced that this will actually happen. But I am studying for my MCAT and for me, that has always been the biggest (and unfortunately, the first) challenge. I am scared shitless of this test. I am not good at math and really bad at mental rotation and conceptual chemistry. But I jumped into the deep end and although many study sessions involve tears, followed by renewed determination, followed by another round of defeatism and tears I feel like I have made the commitment to myself at the very least. I might write the test and bomb it. I might ace it and decide that I am happy having conquered that demon and leave it at that. We’ll see, but for now it feels good to be in a place where the excuses and past failures are behind me and all I have is a dream. It’s a very nice thing to have.
Right Round, Right Round
An excerpt from a recent comment:
“When I see even the smallest creature even a one celled organism I just can’t help but see the work of God. Without every part working together in unison these creatures just couldn’t survive. Just look under a telescope. Explain to me also how in evolution creatures that need oxygen to survive just happen to come along in a place that has plants to produce that oxygen? How we just got lucky enough to be not one degree closer or farther from the sun so we want freeze or burn to death? Explain how DNA just accidently came about?”
First of all – thank you for your comment. I always appreciate people of faith who are willing to at least read blogs written by atheists. While I know that I am not going to change your mind, I appreciate that you want to share your perspective. I hope I never come across as being dismissive or haughty when it comes to these questions.
In philosophy, there is a term for an argument that assumes the preposition within the premise – circulus in probando – or, circular reasoning. In this case, you believe in God, and so you see reasons to believe in God. It is not that the organs work together so that the creature can survive, it is that the creature survives because the organs work together. The same can be said for the levels of oxygen on our planet. The levels are not perfectly designed to maintain life. Life exists because the levels of oxygen allowed it to exist. For millions of years the levels of oxygen on earth were not what they are today, and life did not emerge.
For a non scientific analogy, lets say Bob lives in California and happens to be looking for a new job. He picks up the Kansas City Star one day only to see his dream job posted in the Careers section. Bob decides to move to Kansas in order to take the job. Now, most people recognize that Bob moved for the job. It is pretty clear that the job was not created because Bob moved to Kansas. In the case of Bob, and many natural wonders, we are here because of them, they are not here because of us. It is an easy mistake to make, especially when religions teach us that we are created by God and chosen as special among all creatures.
We are alive because the earth is perfectly located in relation to the sun, and we are alive because RNA evolved into DNA and acts as it does to preserve and pass on our genetic information. There are plenty of dead ends in the evolutionary tree to show what happens when life becomes ill-suited to its environment.
Just as the people of Copernicus’ time had to face the fact that the Earth is not the centre of the universe, today we must accept that we are not at the centre of the Earth.
In Lieu of Prayers Send Doctors…
We have been trying to get pregnant for some time now and it is taking a bit longer than we anticipated. Then, a couple of days ago, I started experiencing awful pain in my lower abdomen and happened to take a pregnancy test. It was positive. Unfortunately, it turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy and after an emergency ultrasound and a rush of phone calls, concerned doctors and a particularly embarrassing tour through my doctor’s waiting room on a stretcher, I found myself in hospital awaiting surgery. My husband called the necessary people and informed them of what was happening and the reaction from the MIL was of course, that she would keep me in her prayers. I always appreciate the sentiment behind those kinds of things and I realize that they are often said out of habit and the uncomfortable feeling of not knowing what else to say. The point was, that she was concerned,thinking of me and hoping for the best.
I had a lot of time to think in the hospital and since that’s what I tend to do anyway, the extra time wasn’t really necessary (or healthy! I was treated by the nicest people and every nurse or doctor who I encountered was kind, friendly, professional and obviously very capable. I watched the machinery around me – from the ultrasound machine that first diagnosed the ectopic pregnancy, the heart monitors, the thermometers that took my temperature with a quick swipe over my forehead, to the little pads on my fingers that read my pulse and oxygen levels. Amazing. Eventually, when I was brought in to the operating room, I was put under with anaesthetic, had my blood sugar monitored continuously and the surgeons were able to inflate my abdominal cavity and perform laparoscopic surgery through three small incisions. That is incredible.
We take so much for granted these days but as a diabetic I am keenly aware of how much we rely on modern-day advances to keep us healthy. I’m glad my MIL prayed for me but I’ll put my money (and my life) on the side of science and technology any day.
Alone?
Loneliness is a basic human emotion. It is biologically implanted in order to keep us in packs. Living in tribes, communities, protecting one another and ensuring the survival of our offspring. It is also what drives most people to religion. I have had a few comments lately (yes, I do read them all!) expressing gratitude for reminding them that they are not alone.
It makes me sad and frustrated because the lack of support and community is the secular world’s biggest failure. There are so many of us out there – so many atheists and not-so-sures who want to feel a part of something but don’t want to abandon their faculties to do it. We are a community of skeptics and rationalists and good moral people who can learn from one another, and gain strength from one another and affect change in the world. We just don’t have our shit together quite yet.
Liberally minded people tend not to feel as strongly about things. The very nature of our thought process means we don’t believe in forcing others to think like us. It limits our ability to recruit and form a cohesive group. The internet has obviously made that easier but for many people, the warmth that comes from sitting and talking with someone who shares your values and understands who you are, cannot be matched by a computer screen.
Come out of the closet. Tell the people around you that you are an atheist – I promise you that some of your friends, co-workers, neighbours and even family members are also atheists, or at the very least, unsure. You just don’t know it yet. Spend time thinking about your own journey to atheism so that when asked you can give a quick, convincing yet friendly synopsis. It’s not easy but it needs to be done. Many people don’t think they even know an atheist – let them know they not only know one, that they like one and hey, even love one!
And for those of you who read this blog – you are not alone. Even if there is no bearded man in the sky watching over you today, there are millions of people in this world who respect, understand, and share your world view. Help us turn this whisper into a roar.
The Moral Athiest?
This recent comment from Tom:
“Since you are not bringing up your child with religious beliefs or so. I think you would struggle as a parent, as your child will have no bounaries or limits when they’re older as they are not going to be brought up with religious discipline. I myself, am a catholic and found that religion helped me to suceed to the fullest and gave me limits and boundaries to do things and not do things (drinking, wild parties, etc) on an occasional basis. As a teenager, I did drink and went to parties but also had limits which I am so proud of having! Please dont ignore or bad mouth this post with your silly atheist rants. P.S- GOD EXISTS AND HE’S THERE IF YOU DONT LIKE IT!!”
…is a perfect opportunity to address atheism and morality. It is a big misconception that non-religious people must be lacking in either a moral compass or the ability to control their own behaviour. I have always struggled to understand this approach. Partly because it is illogical but mostly because it doesn’t take a lot of observational prowess to look around and see that it simply isn’t true.
In Tom’s case, he suggests that religion has provided him with a code on how to live. It has helped him to make the right choices (one could argue that they are not actually choices since they are religiously and socially driven) and avoid situations and decisions that would be harmful or otherwise “immoral”. I won’t argue that religions provides this for many people but it is not the only way to live a moral life. In my view, doing the “right” thing because you are are either afraid of retribution from the sky or seeking an eternal reward makes the act less moral by nature. Doing something for the benefit for your fellow man or simply because it the right thing to do, in my opinion, carries more weight, demands more respect and is often times more difficult. Blind morality is not morality at all.
There have been many studies done that suggest human infants are born with an already developed sense of right and wrong. Having children has only confirmed to me that most of the time, left to their own devices, children will be kind to one another and have a keen sense of justice. They don’t always know how to behave in a socially appropriate way but they have a raw sense of right and wrong at a very young age. Far earlier than they are able to understand religion.
It is also true that many cultures who are more secular in day to day life (Sweden, Japan etc.) do not struggle with immortality run rampant. They are not having drug-fueled orgies in the streets. They are having children and going to school and living their lives, and they are doing so as morally as anyone else. There are “good” people and “bad” people in this world and only a fool would argue that they can be identified merely by their adherence to one faith or another (or none at all).
Which leads me to my most obvious point. Am I the only person aware of all the human atrocities and decidedly “unmoral” acts perpetrated in the name of religion?! People are being beaten, women are being veiled, children are being abused and countries are being attacked right now. Today. In the name of religion and so called “morality”. When the rights and wrongs of human existence are codified (always by old men I might add) they offer humans an opportunity to divorce themselves from free thought and personal consideration. They are given license to follow, blindly and in many cases, interpret morality for themselves and for others. These codes of course come into conflict when they are forced to coexist. And so, you have one religion preaching one sets of moral codes and another religion, or people, following another set of moral codes. And then you have war. And the most base of human behaviour is put on display for the world to watch in horror (and judgement ironically enough).
There are basic laws which societies tend to adhere to, whether they are religious or not. Murder, infanticide, theft, rape (although marital rape is condoned in many cultures – particularly religious ones) and several others are for the most part, universal. They are social codes that function to keep the tribe united and relatively peaceful. They have been there from the beginning of time and were adopted by religions later on as an attempt to absorb what morality already existed in society. They were not invented by religions nor by the religious. Many other laws, change over time. In the old testament it was immoral to leave your son uncircumcised, to wear clothing of mixed fibres or to cross-breed any animals. Today, even fundamentalist Christians ignore these commands and pick and choose the “laws” they follow. Morality is not an immutable fact – it is an evolving and plastic reflection of the human condition and the state of our social development.
My daughter will be just fine. She will learn to do what is right because it is right. She will learn to evaluate a situation, look within herself and decide what path she wants to take. She will have a strong sense of self and we will foster a respect and love for nature, our fellow humans beings and the health of our planet. My husband and I were moral individuals when we were active members of our respective religions and we are just as moral (my husband would say he is even more so) now that we are atheists. My daughter will learn that as atheists, it is not that we believe in “nothing”. It is that we believe in personal accountability.
Secular Sundays
In the US there are still many little places where the stores close on Sundays but Canada’s last holdout (Nova Scotia) succumbed to the secular Sunday this past year. While of course it is still a choice for an individual store owner whether they open or not, it is no longer legislated that they cannot remain open on Sundays. Of course, as a secularist I support this but I do wonder if we are throwing the baby out with the bath water.
In our house we want Sundays to remain a special day. The day will not be devoted to church or to god in any way but we hope to make it a day of peace and reflection. For us this will mean getting outside in nature. Being outside always makes me feel pensive and it gives me an opportunity to take stock and breathe. To prepare for the next week, to wonder aloud, what life is for and how we are going to live it. While I hesitate to use the word spirituality because of its supernatural connotations, I think it is important that we make time for that quiet part of us that can be drowned out by busy, loud lives.
My perfect secular Sunday would start off with a cooked breakfast and the opportunity to relax and read the newspaper or do a crossword while having a cup of coffee. Then we would go for a long hike in the mountains or walk in the park and hold hands, and laugh, and pick up leaves, and ask questions and talk. Our minds and our bodies would get some exercise. In the afternoon we would have a roast dinner of some kind. The day would be computer and work free. We could listen to music or play a board game and just enjoy being together.
Sundays might have been the only thing that religion ever got right.
What does your perfect “Secular Sunday” look like? Do you think its even necessary to make special time for self-exploration and quiet reflection?
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