Posts tagged ‘Mormon’
In Defense of Polygamy
Today, a Canadian court upheld our anti-polygamy laws, in a case I have been following pretty closely. This case centers around the polygamous group living in Bountiful, British Columbia specifically and the law has been used to try and protect young women from being forced to marry. Now obviously, I think Bountiful and everything it stands for is sick, twisted and wrong. These young girls are born and raised in a sexist and abusive culture and have very little say in who they marry. Being wife number 6 to a 79-year-old man while still in your teens is wrong by anybody’s standards (well, I guess not everyone…yeah, I’m talking to you Warren Jeffs) and by no means do I support what those crazy Mormons are doing. (On a sidenote/rant: It drives me crazy to hear the rhetoric that the Mormon church and its members are using in order to distance themselves from all this muck. Do you know how many times I’ve heard people say “They aren’t Mormon!” or deny that they are a break-off from the Mormon church? This is what Mormonism looked like 100 years ago folks, deal with it. Ahh, that feels better.)
However, I don’t know that I’m really opposed to polygamy so much. I guess this is where some of my more libertarian views come crashing into my socially democratic ones. I don’t like the government telling people who they can and can’t be with. I’m a big supporter of gay marriage and straight marriage and any other kind of marriage provided everyone within said marriage is an adult and is happy to be there. I’ve looked into this a little and it turns out there is a whole community of people living in polyamorous relationships and they don’t look anything like they do in the cults/compounds of BC. There are women living with two husbands, men living with more than one wife…every configuration you can imagine (and I’m sure a few you can’t). They aren’t hurting anyone and if they want to have two husbands God help them that’s their choice.
Surely there are already laws in place to protect adult men from marrying under-aged girls several times over. I mean, really. If not then there should be. I’m just not sure that it should ban polygamy outright. There are days when a sister-wife would come in pretty handy.
A Medical Miracle
We received a frantic phone call on Friday night from my MIL informing us that my little BIL (who is serving his mission in Arizona) “blew out his knee” and might have to be released from his missionary duties in order to come home and recuperate. She was upset for a few reasons; she is a mother and of course, she wasn’t able to speak to her son directly, she was surprised and didn’t have all the information she wanted and above all, she was upset about his mission experience being jeopardized. My BIL is loving his mission experience so far and part of the appeal for missionaries and their families is that it is such a long stretch. Two years is a long time to do anything consistently. It is a long time to not see loved ones, only talk to them on the phone 4 times and to commit yourself as a servant of the Lord. Doing the time is part of what makes it such a huge deal, so cutting it in half would have been very upsetting for everyone involved.
My MIL wasn’t totally sure what had happened but was told by the missionary President’s wife (who apparently is responsible for keeping other Mother’s informed of their kid’s accidents/injuries etc.) that they would call back on Monday with more information. There was much concern and worry and discussion about what this would mean.
We called today only to be referred to an email that she had forwarded to us. Basically, my BIL is the proud recipient of a genuine miracle of God. You can only imagine my frustration upon hearing his version of events. He hurt his knee playing soccer and knew right away it was bad. They took him to a doctor who felt it and told him that he thought he may have torn his MCL and to stay off of it for the next few days until he could get an MRI. The bishop came and did a blessing on BIL’s knee. The pain did not subside and it was still pretty bad. On Monday the Bishop came and did another blessing after which my BIL’s knee started to feel a bit better. At the very least, he felt better. When they got the results back from the MRI it showed a small tear in the MCL but there is no need for surgery and his mission won’t be affected. I could hardly stomach reading the email as he launched into his testimony and assurances that he has re-committed himself with even more fervor into bringing the Gospel to the people and that he knows this and that is true and how blessed he is to have been a witness to the glory and power of God’s miraculous love. Blah, blah, blah.
Here is what I would like to say but will not:
1. Your first doctor? Yeah, he misdiagnosed your knee. Not difficult to do when you’re just feeling around someone’s inflamed joint.
2. If the blessing was so effective, why did it take two of them?
3. Maybe the looseness that you attribute to a torn ligament was just loose ligaments that tightened up after you followed the doctor’s suggestions to ice and rest your knee.
4. And perhaps my biggest complaint with all claims of miraculous healing…who do you think you are?! Let me get this straight. This omnipotent and benevolent God who has the power to heal the sick and dying skips over the truly needy only to fix your knee? While you were receiving a priesthood blessing in Arizona, countless women were cradling dying infants and children in their arms, begging and pleading for their lives. Terminally ill people begged for mercy. Innocent babies lay in the dirt, listless from starvation and dehydration. By morning, thousands of people have died painful, agonizing and wholly undeserved deaths but God fixed your knee. Are you kidding me? This to me is the height of egotism.
I thought about saying something but this boy has drunk bathed in the kool-aid and is now handing out free samples, so he’s beyond reasonable debate at this point.
Two Peas in a Pod
The Mormons have recently released a series of ads depicting “average Americans” who are also Mormons. They aren’t really average Mormons at all but that’s besides the point. The idea behind the commercials is to make Mormons feel less alien and to normalize the religion in America. It is still tainted (for good reason) by cultish associations and polygamy and it is doing its damnedest to appear like any other religion in America.Here’s an example of one of the (gazillion) videos:
Which makes this recent ad campaign by the Scientologists even better:
Oh the irony – the sweet, sweet irony. In an attempt to normalize themselves, the Mormons have associated themselves with Scientology of all things. I love it.
Also, while you are in a video-watching mood, check out this awesome response campaign at iamanexmormon.com. Genius.
Where Do Babies Come From?
For most people, this is a simple enough question. We know how babies are conceived but if you believe in a soul, then the questions becomes a lot more complicated. This question lies at the root of many pro-life/pro-choice debates as well as the many different religious stances on sexuality, birth control, AIDS, and homosexuality. Your take on this question informs your belief in humanity and the essence which separates us from all other creations.
If you’re Mormon, it’s even more complicated. The Mormons believe in the premortal existence. A place where all the little souls of all the babies to be born are hanging out with God. (In the strictest sense, most religions believe in a pre-existence of the soul before it enters human form but surprise, surprise, nobody has made it as weird and convoluted as the Mormons). They also believe in three composite aspects of the human form; spirit, body and intelligence. Intelligence is a common human essence that is put into a spirit body which is then turned into a physical body. So, souls are not just souls, they are spirit bodies with their own intelligence. Still with me?
Unlike so many other religions that just let non-sensical doctrine stand, Mormons take the bold step of trying to explain this one step further. This is where they lead us into crazy land. So, the Mormons believe that since all these spirit body’s are around, they too must have been created. And how did they get created? Why, the same way physical bodies are conceived. So, now we have the Heavenly Father up in the sky with the Heavenly Mother and their infinite spirit body offspring. This is one of those things that makes non-Mormons go “Whu!?” because it is so against what many other Christian religions teach. The introduction of a heavenly mother who co-created each of us is viewed as blasphemous by many and another example of how the Mormons are not truly Christians.
“Jesus, however, is the firstborn among all the sons of God—the first begotten in the spirit, and the only begotten in the flesh. He is our elder brother, and we, like Him, are in the image of God. All men and women are in the similitude of the universal Father and Mother, and are literally the sons and daughters of Deity.” MFP 4:203.
(As a point of interest, the Mormons also believe that there are spiritual tests and challenges in the pre-mortal existence that will inform your later position in life. These learning opportunities are discussed in “councils in heaven” – a sort of department meeting between uncountable spirit bodies and the big honcho, Daddy God. Up until fairly recently (1978) Mormons believed that people were marked with dark skin for being fence-sitters in the pre-mortal existence, in the War in Heaven. Religion is like the Rabbit Hole in Alice in Wonderland – the deeper you go, the weirder it gets.)
The idea of the Heavenly Mother is part of the doctrine of eternal progression. Ooooh, you’re going to love this one. So, the church basically believes that the Heavenly Mother and Father were themselves once spirit children who received a physical body and were then rewarded for their good behaviour by being given a universe of their own. They were begotten from a Heavenly Mother and Father, who also had their own universe. And so on, and so on. This one (obviously) gets murky and the church has made great efforts to distance themselves from this, at least publicly. This is true for many reasons, the most obvious being because the whole idea is insane. It also goes directly against the teachings of the Bible by implying that there is not one God by many Gods and that each of us (if you are a man of course!) can one day hope to be rewarded with a planet and Godhood. It destroys its own basic principle of the eternal family (hard to all be hanging out together when each male is off being a God to his own universe) and leaves the church out there in the same realm as Scientologists and Raeliens. Even some Mormons seem unaware of this doctrine, despite it being a fundamental plank in their Plan of Salvation.
Deciding how many children you want to have is a personal and sometimes difficult decision. My husband and I talk about it a lot and neither one of us is ure how many we want. There are so many factors to consider – the kind of family you want to have, how much money you have, how easy/hard pregnancy is on your body and how hard baby’s are on your marriage. As a Mormon, a third party enters the debate. God. Yup, you have to pray and reflect on whether there are more babies already destined for your family, hanging out in spirit land just waiting for this one chance to receive a physical body and realize their eternal destiny. No pressure there. My SIL has gone against the direct advice of Doctors and had more babies – all because she had received a revelation that there were more spirit babies waiting for her. (Her pregnancies make her sick, sick, sick for the entire nine months and risk her life every time. She has nearly died with three out of four births and I’m not convinced she’s finished.)
So there you have it in a nutshell. Where babies come from. That is, if you are part of a very weird religion. Everyone else just has sex.
On a Mission…
Here is an excerpt from a recent email I wrote to my little brother-in-law who is serving his mission in Mesa, Arizona:
I saw the video of the LDS woman who was in a plane crash and survived. It was a very moving story and that woman was very brave and obviously very strong. It did raise a question however that I have had for some time. I hope you are okay with me asking you a religious question – I figured now that you are a missionary you probably get asked difficult questions all the time. You are an intelligent person and someone who I know thinks about things very deeply so I am hoping you can give me some insight. My question doesn’t pertain to the Mormon religion per se, but to faith in general. In the video, I was disturbed by the part where the woman credited her survival to God and prayer. I watched the video only a few days after my experience in hospital and had been thinking about this already. In fact, it has always bugged me. I remember when 12 miners were rescued years ago in Pennsylvania, people crying and saying they were saved by prayer and by God. While rescue workers who had risked life and limb stood by. I think of all the doctors who worked on that poor lady in the video, and all the amazing science and technology that went into saving her life. The nurses, the physiotherapists, not to mention her own inner strength and perseverance. I find it so frustrating and difficult to understand.
Many people say that faith is not something that can be measured or tested. That is true. However, certain things can be measured. One of those things is prayer. It’s a simple thing really; pray for 100 people, don’t pray for the other 100 and see what happens. You can have control groups and measurable outcomes. It’s been studied and tested hundreds of times over, by those of faith and those without, in many different countries and there has never been a measurable difference. While prayers certainly brings peace to those offering them, it doesn’t actually increase the odds of the sick or injured getting better. Now, what has been proven to work is medicine. Time and time again people are saved by medicine and technology and doctors, and yet, many people of faith insist of crediting prayer when things go well (and God’s will when they don’t, but that is a whole other story) rather than thanking the people who actually deserve it.
Anyway – I don’t mean to go off on a tangent. I saw that video, and it was fresh in my mind and I know you are religious and also smart and so I naturally thought to ask you. I truly hope that you don’t feel offended or put off in any way and if you don’t feel comfortable addressing my question, than by all means just ignore me. :) Having said that, I would really like to know what you think about this. I guess, to summarize, the question would be: why insist on crediting God, when there are so many more obvious and tangible people who deserve recognition?
Now for those of you who are seasoned rational thinkers or atheists this email might seem very mild. There were a million other points I could make – I could tear his world asunder if I wanted to. The thing is, he’s an awesome kid and we have never talked about religion. Ever. Nobody in my husband’s family discusses it at all. We all just tip toe around the fact that they are Mormon and we are not. I hate it but it’s hard to engage people in a conversation when they are unwilling. So, I decided that this topic was safe. It isn’t specific to Mormons, it hopefully won’t be perceived as a personal attack, and it might just get him to think a little. Since this is my first attempt at a religious conversation, I have no idea what to expect.
I asked my husband how he thought my BIL would take it and he said he didn’t have a clue. When my husband told T (my BIL who was 16 at the time) that he was never coming back to the church, T cried like a little kid. Full on bawling for an hour. This kid is not a crier and actually pretty reasonable, level-headed and unemotional. Ever since then, my husband feels like he has little insight into his younger brother which leaves me out on my own. So, I sent him the email and I guess I’ll wait and see what he says. I’ll keep you posted.
Oh, and please check out the video. Sad story of course but another example of how incredibly awesome the church is at marketing, communications and spin. I’m in awe.
Evolution…
I recently read “The Greatest Show on Earth: The Evidence for Evolution” by Richard Dawkins. Being a neuroscientist, I obviously believe in evolution and need no convincing of its reality (or splendour for that matter) but I was curious to read how Dawkins would present it. It was an incredible book and if anyone you know has doubts about evolution or questions about the theory, I would recommend they read this book. Dawkins did a good job of staying away from the whole “angry atheist” persona he displays so beautifully in some of his other works, which is probably a good thing. For a believer it can be intimidating and it wasn’t the point of the book. The book outlines hundreds upon hundreds of sound scientific reasons why evolution is true and creationism or intelligent design theory is not. I’m not going to get into them here because Dawkins does it so much better.
However, I will venture to say that the growing trend of religions claiming that evolution and faith are not mutually exclusive is really starting to tick me off. The Catholics tolerate and now largely accept evolution, or as they call it, “theistic evolution” and according to my sister-in-law who is currently studying at BYU Idaho, she has been taught that evolution is true. The Mormon church, as far as I know, has not taken an official stance of the subject (they know not to touch this one with a ten foot pole) but there does seem to be an increasing tolerance towards evolution, at least anecdotally.
Faced with the overwhelming evidence for evolution, many churches are being forced to do back flips and have come up with all kinds of compromises to somehow allow for evolution within a religious framework; God used evolution as a tool, the belief of inner-species evolution but not inter-species evolution, and the general “evolution lite” that allows for some natural selection among lower vertebrates and invertebrates but denies any real connection between humans and any other species.
I’m going to say this plainly so that there is no room for confusion. One cannot be a believing Christian, Muslim, Sikh, Jew, etc. and believe in evolution. Despite what ill-informed religious scholars and terrified atheists will tell you, faith and evolution are mutually exclusive.
I could get into all the scriptural inconsistencies, the carbon dating, the age of the earth, the problems with genesis and other creation myths and the fossil record but I won’t. The thing is, it is much simpler than that.
In order for religion to exist and to hold any power over the human spirit and consciousness, it must place us as separate and unique among all creatures. There is no religion that treats humans the same as dogs. In every religion, humans are precious, created by God in his image and chosen above all other living creatures.If this wasn’t the case, people would never have bought into it in the first place. We like to be prized.
Since evolution maintains that humans are in no way special, and despite our grandest of hopes, not the final outcome of the evolutionary processes, it is incompatible with any religious faith. There is no clear line between humans and those that preceded us. There is gradual change over time so that no scientist could ever pinpoint the one point or line in the fossil record where say, Home Erectus became Homo Sapiens as we know it today. So, if that is true (and to believe in evolution you must accept this as truth), did God love Home Erectus in the same way he loved us? How about the neanderthals? They were more human-like than the early Homo Sapiens were in many ways. Were they created in God’s image? What about their ancestors? It really all just starts to fall apart when you realize that we are living fossils on a continuum of life that goes back a very long time and (God willing – ha!) will continue for a very long time.
When things like this get too tough and believers are faced with having to make a rational jump into the abyss of non-belief or stay safely quaking on the ledge of faith, they usually sputter that “There are things that have not yet been revealed”, “Only God knows the truth”. And then we come all the way back to the beginning.
Much like the neanderthals that preceded us, believers are being faced with a changing world and more information than their brains can handle.
Word of Wisdom?
We went to Mormon-land for Easter this year and we had a wonderful time (all while tip-toeing around the ever-present elephant in the room). I was sent down the road for frozen peas (I was just surprised it wasn’t Jello) and so I took my little girl along with me. It only took us five minutes to get back to the house. We walked in the door and my little one (who is nearly 2.5) said “We went store” to which Grandma (naturally) responded “What did you buy?” My daughter, in her airy and soft voice, replied, “Beer.” The town we were in is a very Mormon town and is dry, so beer was not even an option.
Perplexed and obviously thrown, Grandma offered to take my daughter outside to play. I stood at the door watching as she got into the little toy car in Grandma’s yard and started to “drive”. She stopped the car at Grandma’s feet, leaned her head right out the window and said, “Coffee, bagel please.” Awesome. By that point she might as well have said “Grandma, me a heathen. Please, save me.”
This of course led me to thinking about the Word of Wisdom.
For those of you who aren’t familiar, the Word of Wisdom is a health code followed by Mormons and is found in their Doctrine & Covenants (a book with revelations from God).
Basically the WofW prohibits the use of tobacco, wine and “strong drinks” and “hot drinks” and includes a list of foods that should be eaten and how much (“wholesome herbs and every fruit in the season therof”, meat, sparingly and only in times of winter and famine, and the benefits of grains, including “mild drinks” made of barley) and of course, the spiritual rewards that will come with adherence to the Word.
Adherence to this piece of doctrine has become central to its current membership. In order to enter the temple (which, if you are Mormon is all you ever really want to do apparently) you must be compliant with the WofW and it has evolved to become a point of great pride within the church.
What is not discussed in the church is the obvious discretion between what was originally written and what has become doctrine. Umm…meat, sparingly? Have you ever been to a Mormon picnic? The only things more present than meat are jello and mayonnaise! This part of the WofW is basically ignored and like all great religions, the membership doesn’t seem to notice or care.
The other part that is weird (and there are many) is the prohibition on “hot drinks”. Mormons are great lovers of hot chocolate. They also drink cider, and more recently, are starting to drink herbal tea. While caffeine itself is never mentioned in the WofW, some Mormons have interpreted the doctrine as such and the Brigham Young University campus still only serves caffeine-free Coke. Other Mormons don’t worry about caffeine at all. Some Mormons drink herbal teas (which is really getting close to the line) while others wouldn’t dare.
The prohibition on drinking alcohol is even more confusing, while more universally followed. Mormons will tell you they don’t drink alcohol – period. (I’m not sure where they stand on using vanilla in their baking but I’m sure some where in Utah is a store selling de-alcoholized vanilla extract) What they won’t tell you is that the original text of the WofW was quite open to people drinking beer and likely mead or something similar. The prohibition is on “strong drinks” while mild drinks made of barley were permitted. Ummm, how many mild drinks made of barley are you aware of? In fact, even the apostle Brigham Young Jr. ascertained that beer was okay, unfortunately for millions of Mormons, that was later reversed by the church.
The Word of Wisdom, in my opinion is a shining example of what can happen when millions of people don’t think for themselves. Content to rely on church leaders and willfully ignorant of their changing opinions, most Mormons aren’t even aware that a discrepancy exists. They don’t read the original text in any kind of critical way because they are discouraged from doing so. They don’t stop and ask themselves why some of them drink caffeine while others don’t, or wonder why Jesus would drink so much wine and then ban it down the road. (Oh wait – the church actually teaches people that Jesus drank grape juice, not wine. I’m sure all those people in Cana were excited about the newly produced vats of grape juice. Sigh.) They seem to fail to see the problem with eating giant steaks, all summer long.
The ability of the human mind to perform logic-defying stunts of mental gymnastics is truly astounding.
On a Mission…
Well, today is the day. My little brother-in-law left for the MTC (Missionary Training Centre) at 4:30 this morning and after 9 weeks of intense Spanish language training he will be dispatched to his mission in northern Arizona. Sigh.
In the end we decided not to say anything to him about his mission. We told him we loved him and that we would miss him. We told him he would do well and that is was an opportunity to grow. All of these things are true and yet, so much was left unsaid. Like, you would grow just as much by going to University or travelling the world. You will likely discover great things within you and despite what you believe, they will not be revealed by the holy spirit but by exercise, a life of routine and regimen and challenging yourself.
My husband still feels that his mission was a positive experience overall. He lived in France for 2 years and learned to speak fluent French. He became a great negotiator and public speaker and learned things about himself and about humanity more generally. He thrived in the almost military approach to schedule and exercise. They woke up at 6:00 every morning, lifted weights and prayed. They worked from morning until night and read scriptures. And then they did it again…for more than 700 days. He couldn’t see movies or listen to any music other than the tabernacle choir. He couldn’t read any books other than the approved missionary library that consisted of five church books. He was never alone. He went every where with his church appointed companion and ate what he could afford, which wasn’t much. He was encouraged to journal every day but like most things in the church, even that wasn’t really an exercise in individuality. Everything he wrote was filtered so that later generations would never hear of any doubts, stumbles or struggles. A big boring book of testimony.
But, he travelled and grew and made wonderful friends and learned about his strengths and weaknesses. He was challenged and directed and on his own for the first time in his life so I suppose I can see the appeal.
After much thought and consideration we decided to just be kind and supportive. My little brother is so excited and feels good about himself. He is heading off on his own for the first time ever and this is a very vulnerable point in his life. He came to our house for dinner the week before he left and we had a wonderful time. He is smart and thoughtful and in my opinion, too bright to stay a church member.
After he left I said to my husband, “Do you think he’ll leave on his own?” to which my husband replied, “Nope. I’m going to help him.”
Let’s hope that is exactly what happens.
I put the Christ in Christmas. I also put it in “Holy F&%@n Christ”.
So, I know I’ve been off the radar for a while and I apologize. Getting caught up in life I suppose. With Christmas coming I, like most people, have been busy preparing and trying to get things organized before we head off to visit our respective families. One of which, as you know, is Mormon. Seriously Mormon. As in NO booze, NO coffee, NO tea. I am already dreading a Christmas morning without a hot cup of coffee in my hand not to mention the family tradition of having french food without any wine. Any respectable french person would cringe at the thought of raclette, cheeses and fresh bread without a drop of Bordeaux. Despite what many believe, Martenelli’s does not cut it. Ever.
Christmas can be a divisive time of year for the atheist community (if you can even call it that). Some people believe strongly that we should make a point of shunning all things Christ-like, ban the word “Christmas” all together and use the season as an opportunity for religion-bashing. Others see Christmas as they do every other time of year…as an opportunity to deny their true feelings about religion and remain cloaked and quaking in the closet of atheistic anonymity. I like to think I fall somewhere in the middle. I use the word Christmas. I also use the word holidays. Or Xmas when I’m writing informally. I have a tree and I do the gift thing and while I refuse to put up a manger or put an angel on the top of my tree I don’t go out of my way to be a Jesus scrooge. Except for the few opportunities I had to replace baby jesus with a donkey in the nativity scene. Can you really blame me?
It’s always a tough call for me…do you make a point and say something or just let it slide. Always staying quiet makes me complicit in the ridiculousness that is faith. Always saying something makes me the asshole nobody wants to hang out with. Guess you have to pick your battles. So, I will close my mouth but not my eyes at Christmas dinner when we pray and I will refrain from pointing out that “Hey! Those wise men are all black! WTF?!” and I might even capitulate and sit nicely while we read the Christmas story as long it gets called a story and not a Christmas fact. But I’m bringing a go-cup and I’m making instant coffee in the microwave on Christmas morning and at least then the general climate of hypocrisy might be overtaken by the smooth aroma of a dark roast assaulting the virgin nostrils of my in-laws.
Merry Christmas XMas WTF is wrong with you people? A Virgin birth? A star guiding some wise men who are so WISE that they walk around following stars? A manger which “scientists” now claim was actually a cave in a futile and weird attempt to legitimize the story?
Ummm…peace out.
It’s a small world after all…
My little sister-in-law is 19 and beautiful. She is smart and funny, a talented writer and photographer and despite a lot of pressure, she has managed to avoid the Mormon mold. Until now.
After graduating, she had some big ideas. Some very atypical (for Mormons at least – the acceptable range is so much narrower) ideas like traveling. Or volunteering somewhere in South America. She wanted to study fashion and live in London. While we did our best to offer support, money and anything else she might need to make these things happen, these ideas were abandoned. She met a boy, all her friends went on missions, she started talking about BYU Hawaii. We were a bit disappointed but BYU Hawaii was at least somewhere and the chilled atmosphere would suit her personality perfectly. It was still outside the normal range of expectations and so we were pleased. Then it became BYU Provo.
The most recent news is that she will be going to BYU Idaho (formerly Ricks College). And living with her best friend from high school. And will not meet a single non-Mormon during her entire stay. And she’s taking general studies. Basically, she’s passing time until she meets a returned missionary and gets married. I was devastated when she told me. Not because there is anything wrong with BYU Idaho (my husband went there for the year before his mission) or living with your best friend (even though this particular friend has not been good to my little sis and has been pushed on her by my MIL for years) but because the whole concept is so small and my little sister could do so much better. Being young is about meeting people with new perspectives, having your ideas and your identity challenged, learning and falling and growing and sometimes, getting a fresh start. My SIL won’t get any of that and I am so sad for her. And so goddamned angry at her family and the little piss-ant town she lives in. Sigh.
Sick
Last night, we were getting our little girl ready for bed when hubby turned to me and said, “If I was still in the church, she would be learning to pray right about now.” WTF? She’s not even two yet!
The idea of teaching P to get down on her knees and recite some silly poem to the heavens, all in an effort to ingratiate herself to a brutal and inconsistent father in heaven (when she has a wonderful father right here on earth) is infuriating to me.
I have heard the argument made that teaching your kids to be atheist is no different than teaching them to have faith. You are indoctrinating them, either way. This is something I have struggled with because while I want P to think critically and rationally, I don’t want to force her to be a non-believer. I can say though, that I have never sat her down and told her anything about religion. Do you know why? Because she’s a baby! The idea that you would intentionally set out to introduce a supernatural being into a child’s reality before they have the skills or development to question it is sick and twisted. It’s taking advantage of a primed and vulnerable mind and it’s no wonder it is so difficult and painful for adults to leave the church when their faith is so deeply rooted in their infant brain.
I remember reading my hubby’s baby book not too long ago and feeling physically ill when I read this message from my MIL: “Brian received a gift of one dollar today and when I asked him what he was going to spend it on he told me he was going to save it for his mission, – Age 2″
Holy fuck.
Love the sinner, hate the sin?
I’ve always thought the Christian motto of “love the sinner, hate the sin” to be a load of codswallup. How do you “love” someone while standing in judgment of them?
More recently though, I have found myself holding a similar motto in my mind as I navigate life with my little brother -in-law. He has recently been called to his mission (Arizona, spanish speaking) and everyone in the family is overjoyed. Except us. We are trying to walk the thin line of supporting him while not supporting his choice. He is so excited for this big adventure, and while we like th idea of him travelling and learning another language and want to help him financially and be there for him at this time of his life, we can’t support the reason he is going.
My husband has flip-flopped on whether or not to talk to him about any of this and we still haven’t completely decided. On one hand, we don’t want to put a damper on what is an otherwise exciting time in his life. At the same time, he is going to be challenged relentlessly for the next two years so he might as well get used to it.
Missions are well-designed in the sense that many young boys (and girls) really find themselves while they are away. My little bro will likely lose the weight he needs to lose, find discipline, structure and a sense of accomplishment he’s never had before. He will be welcomed and applauded every Sunday in church and will work harder than he’s ever had to, all in the name of God. Our fear is that we know he will attribute all of these positive things to the mission itself as opposed to the structure and regular exercise it brings.
Hubby wants to talk to him about that and a few other things he himself experienced on his mission so that when they happen, the seed of doubt has already been planted. When the church tells him certain things that go directly against what he sees in the world (for example, that only church member are truly happy…just ignore the smiling Dad with his baby girl on his shoulders, eating ice cream in the park. He’s not really happy) he will have already been primed to see the inconsistency.
What we are more inclined to do however, is to just shut up, give him a hug and a $100 and send him on his way. There is going to be a lot of tongue biting between now and March.
Recent Comments