kids
All posts tagged kids
After a melt down, followed by a hug:
“Mom, I just have one more, sob, thing to, sob, say…”
“Ok fine, as long as it’s positive.”
“It is. I don’t like you.”
“That’s not positive Paisley.”
“Fine. I’m positive I don’t like you.”
Have you seen this trike lately? I’ve seen a few versions around as the weather warms up and people start to get outside again. They make me laugh every time.
They are cute and I remember how excited I was to get Paisley on a trike when she was small but the kids I’ve seen “riding” these things are barely even able to sit up on their own!
I always chuckle to myself – these “trikes” are like the Pope-mobile of modern-day parenting. Five-point harness so they don’t fall, sunshade so they don’t burn, handle for Mom and Dad so they can’t roll into traffic and probably BPA-free so they don’t get cancer when they are 85.
All they are missing is bullet-proof glass.
Oh, and some fun.
This recent article about reducing screen-time for young kids centres around childhood obesity and decreasing activity levels, but the take home message is the same. Get the kids away from the digital devices and into the real world. This issue has never been more relevant than it is today. I remember watching TV as a kid (especially in the winter as I grew up in a very cold climate) but mostly I remember playing a lot. Today, everywhere I look, young kids are playing with iPads, iPhones and portable gaming devices. They are plugged in and zoned out. They are usually sitting next to their plugged in, zoned out parents.
At Paisley’s weekly swimming lesson, there is a bleacher set up on the pool deck for all the parents and siblings to watch. The lesson last half an hour. The first few times I sat there I couldn’t believe how lonely I felt. I was surrounded by parents of young kids and each and every one of them (I am not exaggerating here folks) was either texting on a phone or watching a video on a phone or playing a video game while their kids swam. I was hoping to meet some other parents, have a little chat, and heck, maybe even watch my kid swim. All the siblings were on devices too. I watched an 18 month-old sitting in front of me play a video game on her Mom’s iPhone. She clearly knew what she was doing. Last week I saw a Mom pushing her preschooler around the grocery store with a DVD player in the little girl’s lap. What the hell are we doing? (Okay, I totally know that I sounds like a 90-year-old woman but bear with me…)
Our job is to teach kids about the world. I get that it can be exhausting and hard but that’s what we signed up for. I get that children sometimes need to be entertained while we get something important done but surely, texting our friends isn’t that important. When kids people are forever plugged into devices (and by extension, unplugged from the world) we miss things. We miss opportunities to meet new people, to have interesting conversations, to talk to our kids about healthy food or why we are buying what we are buying or where a lemon comes from. We fail them physically when we put on the TV rather than take them outside. And at some level – we know we are failing them.
People usually know what the right thing is. It’s the doing that’s the hard part. People often choose the easy over the right. Whether that applies to staying with the wrong partner because it’s too hard to leave, believing in God because the alternative is too frightening, or putting on the television instead of getting on the floor and playing with your kids…it’s all the same. Is choosing the easy path really a lesson we want to teach the next generation?
Well, it happened. Just like I knew it would. Except it was worse than I had imagined and I felt more uncomfortable than I might have predicted.
For the past few weeks, Paisley has been asking me a lot about religion and prayer. It all started when she asked why her Grandpa prays before eating. We explained to her that some people thank God before they eat. We told her that some people believe in God, and some people don’t. When asked what God was we replied that he was a man who lives in the sky and takes care of you. I thought that was an age appropriate way to explain a complicated (and let’s be honest – confusing) concept. Ever since then she has been asking more questions. I explained that I used to believe in God but that after looking at the evidence I decided that I didn’t any more. Which led to a conversation about evidence. We talked about believing in flying ducks versus flying pigs. I went through each example, offering evidence for and against each claim. At the end of our conversation she stated that “I don’t believe in a man in the sky or that pigs can fly.” I had a bad feeling about going to see the in-laws for Easter dinner.
My hubby and I debated about whether we should preempt her by telling her not to say anything about God. We decided against it, mainly because I rail against the practice of religion being treated with kid gloves. I don’t want to introduce the idea that religion is any different than any other subject – ask questions, think for yourself, speak freely. So we didn’t and I knew, I just knew she was going to say something.
So, we are sitting down about to eat lunch and Grandpa decides to lead us in prayer. (As a sidenote, leading “us” in prayer really means leading the minority of the people at the table in prayer which feels a bit weird, but whatever, their house,) Paisley listens with eyes wide open and then proceeds to make her way around the table telling each person that “there is NO man in the sky.” When I tried to quietly tell her to sit and eat, she yelled “I have to tell the people who believe in God that there is no man in the sky.” Wow. Grandma was pissed but everyone else just ignored her. She kept persisting, long after it was uncomfortable and my husband eventually distracted her and changed the subject. When we sat down to pray for Easter dinner though, she started again and said “But I don’t believe in G -” before both my husband and I shooshed her. Nobody said anything to us about it (his family believes in evading the elephant in the room almost as much as they do the restoration of the one true church – thank goodness) but it was tense.
My husband found the whole thing hilarious but I don’t deal with that stuff as well as he does (which is funny because typically he tends to be more reserved and rigid and I’m more apt to flaunt convention). As much as I try, I can’t handle verbal conflict. I have a hard time being direct and saying what I mean when what I mean is hurtful or uncomfortable. At the same time, I am proud that we are raising our kids in a secular household. I never want my kids to feel like they can’t ask questions or that they need to be embarrassed about their beliefs and I have been second-guessing myself ever since we left. Did I handle that right? Should we have said something to either explain or defend her? Was shooshing her the wrong thing to do? It’s hard because my in-laws have been pretty careful not to raise or push their religion on us and while everyone knows that we aren’t Mormon, it’s not something we talk about. I find it hard to strike a balance between respecting others and allowing the kids to be themselves.
My favourite part? When Grandma didn’t quite catch what my daughter had said and yelled, “What?! There is a snowman in the sky?” Don’t worry – Paisley set her straight.
Growing up as a Catholic, Easter was easily the biggest holiday of the year – at least from a religious perspective. Easter meant a lot of church and a lot of ritual (I loved Palm Sunday and getting the chance to put a nail into the big wooden cross at Good Friday mass.) There was washing of feet, somber, silent masses and then jubilation and fancy dresses on Easter Sunday. It was all so ritualized and I loved that. I was Roman Catholic – ritual and God went hand in hand.
When I first started dating my husband I was shocked at how the Mormons didn’t celebrate Easter. Sure, they had Sunday mass but there was nothing on Good Friday and it didn’t seem to hold the same significance it did for other Christian churches. From a doctrinal standpoint, that doesn’t make a lot of sense. I mean Easter is it. Christ’s death and resurrection is the reason Christians are Christians. It remains one of the things that confuse me about Mormonism actually. One of many.
When Easter rolls around (and Christmas too) I sometimes miss going to Church. I miss the memories and the feeling of having a blank slate. “Jesus has risen and all is forgiven.”
Yesterday, Paisley and I talked about Easter. She asked me what it was all about and I told her it’s a chance to celebrate re-birth and fresh starts. That Easter is about Spring, and new flowers and baby animals and that the earth is getting ready to start a whole new cycle of life. She loved that idea (and of course, it is much easier to tie that into a mythical egg-hiding rabbit than it is a 2,000 dead resurrected man) and so do I.
As my kids grow up in a secular household, my hope is that they will develop strong memories and positive feelings towards the things we do to celebrate the different holidays. None of their memories will be tied to church or religion and I am so happy about that.
I guess Easter really is about new beginnings.
You hear it a lot: teaching your kids to be an Atheist is no different and no better than teaching your kid to be a Christian/Muslim/Hindu etc. It’s brainwashing them, just the same.
I actually used to think this was a frustrating and somewhat valid argument. That is, until I actually became a parent.
Kids don’t invent God. They don’t usually require that you introduce am omniscient, omnipotent being into their lives in order to help them make sense of the world. They have what they need. Raising an Atheist (at least during the early stages) doesn’t require you to do anything at all. You just don’t talk about God. You don’t teach them about it. When they have questions, you answer them honestly.
That is very different from raising a religious child. In doing that you are forced to introduce a whole other realm of “reality” that they cannot see or touch. You answer fairly simple questions with complicated answers involving a man who lived and then died and was raised from the dead over 2000 years ago (Or insert other weird religious story here). You must teach prayer and how to behave in church. You must drill them on how to pray and how to incorporate religiosity into every day occurrences. You must teach them to rely on more than their own sensibilities. You must enforce the idea that they are being watched (and how every subtly you introduce it, judged.) You must introduce the idea of heaven (and by extension, hell) and salvation and the idea that everyone in the world is not equal. Some people are like us, and others are not. You teach them, before they have had the chance to evaluate the evidence for themselves, what is true and not true and demand that their tiny, developing brains embrace a world view that they don’t have a chance to test.
A child without religion experiences love it its truest form – unconditional and with no strings attached. Religious children learn very early on that love is often tied to the choices they make. That there is judgment to receive, guilt to feel and apologies to be made.
The one thing about valuing rational thought is that you don’t get to pick and choose where you apply that thought. As parents, my husband and I believe strongly in teaching our kids how to evaluate evidence and make considered, educated decisions. In turn, I have to do the same thing when it comes to parenting – and it isn’t always easy.
Today’s parents are afraid. We are afraid of perverts and pedophiles. We are afraid of cars and traffic and head injuries. We are afraid of sex and drugs and what teenagers will do when given any opportunity at all. We are afraid of razor blades in candies and terrorists in airplanes and serial murderers. Now don’t get me wrong – we should be afraid of some of these things but we need to be rational about it.
I recently read the book “Free Range Kids” by Lenore Skenazy. If you don’t know who she is, she’s the mom who let her nine-year-old son take a ride on the NYC subway and was subsequently called the worst mom in the world. Yikes. I read the book and it confirmed a lot of what I already believe. Kids are too sheltered and parents are too worried. The 24-hour news cycle has made us aware of every single bad thing that happens to a child. It has vastly exaggerated the risk our kids face in the world. I was comforted to read that violent crime, sexual predation and abductions are all far lower than they were in the 70s and 80s. It is much safer now than it was when me and my pals were traipsing through the woods for hours, armed only with backpacks full of matches and lemonade.
The dangers we don’t consider when looking at our perfect little angels are actually far more menacing, and statistically more significant. Obesity. Heart disease. Isolation. Fear of the world beyond their front doors. Over-dependence. Disconnection from their community. An inability to perform certain tasks (there is some evidence to suggest that more kids are getting hit by cars because they’ve never been taught how to cross a street – because they’ve never had the opportunity to try it!) and an increasing reliance on electronic entertainment. These risks are more than risks. For some they are guaranteed outcomes.
I don’t suggest we should stop parenting or that all of us should put our kids on the subway (although really – the subway? Where you are surrounded by people/witnesses, police offers, video cameras etc.? What on earth is unsafe about that?!) but we do need to stop and evaluate a risk before we make a decision. Don’t parent how others are parenting. Don’t parent out of fear. Rationally evaluate the risk. And prepare to be judged:
Last week I took Paisley swimming at the local rec centre. Afterwards, I decided (for the first time) to leave her at the front while I ran and got the car. Her hair was wet, the wind was howling and the car was in the parking lot, two minutes from the door. I thought about it and despite an inner voice telling me I should never leave my child, I did it anyway. Paisley was put on a bench right in the entrance with a cookie. She was told to wait (I could tell she was pleased as punch to be left alone) and I went and got the car. It took me four minutes to get to the car and pull into the loop at the front of the building. Paisley was sitting there, eating her cookie. Right next to a woman who appeared to be having a heart attack. “There is a child alone!” she was saying. I said, “It’s okay. She’s mine.” The woman looked at me, still flustered and (right out of a movie) fanning herself! “I just, oh my goodness, I am not okay. That is not okay. I am not comfortable with that.” I wanted to say, “Good thing she’s not your kid then, isn’t it?” But I didn’t. I just smiled and collected Paisley and her things.
On the way home I started to second-guess myself. Did I make the wrong decision? I re-evaluated the risks…that a mad-man, who happens to lurk around the local rec centre, would see an opportunity and in front of other parents and kids, run in the front doors and throw Paisley in his truck, all within four minutes? That she (a bright, capable four-year-old) would wander out into the wind and into traffic, of which there isn’t any? What was that woman afraid of?
A child being alone – she had said it herself. How are we supposed to teach kids self-reliance if they never get a chance to practice it? How can they learn to manoeuvre through the world if they are always protected from it? How do we foster community from behind closed doors?
While I do not teach my children to have faith in God, they must learn to have faith in themselves and in humanity.
I’m curious to hear your opinion on this…have you read the book? Would you have done what I did? Do you have any ideas or suggestions for those struggling with the concept of free-range parenting?
Last night at dinner we raised our glasses (beer in ours, milk in Paisley’s) and said “Cheers!” She loves this and we are a family of toasters so it wasn’t really out of the ordinary. As soon as she had taken a swing of her milk, she put her cup on the table, crossed her arms across her chest, bowed her head and with eyes closed said “Hum-a-na, hum-a-na, hum-a-na “. Me and my husband sat there stunned and trying not to laugh as she said what appeared to be a blessing.“What was that?” I said. “Oh, sometimes Grandpa does that before he eats.” she replied.
We laughed and she asked why her Grandpa does that. We told her that Grandpa is grateful for the food and just wants to say thanks. I further explained that people who believe in God say prayers. She gleefully replied, “That’s because some people believe there is a man in the sky! But we don’t believe there is a man in the sky! There are just clouds and planets in the sky!”
We actually haven’t even had that conversation…that was a four-year-old’s interpretation of things. And she nailed it.
Back in December, when Declan was about 8 months old, he was having an awful time sleeping. He had had some teeth come in and in the haze of many middle-of-the-night wakings, I had pulled him into bed with me. He learned very quickly that he liked it there and wanted to stay. I had been conscientious from the beginning of making sure he knew how to self-soothe. I had been through that with my daughter and had made sure he was always put down while still awake. He had been doing really well until he realized there was an alternative. And like all humans, young and old alike, he was quick to unlearn what didn’t suit him.
After weeks of struggling to get him to sleep (rocking, singing, nursing, cuddling…repeat) only to have him wake up every 40 minutes I broke down and read a sleep book. The author talked a lot about the importance of self-soothing and how introducing a “sleep-crutch” was usually the culprit when it came to regular waking. Some of the crutches she mentioned were singling, feeding, cuddling…or in my case all of them. Whoops. The book had a plan which involved removing the crutches and re-teaching the child how to go back to sleep on their own. I’m not a big “cry-it out” kind of gal but this plan allowed me to go in every ten minutes if necessary and rub his back or soothe him (but never to the point where I put him to sleep) which helped salve my guilt. After only 20 minutes of crying he feel asleep and slept for 13 hours. The next night, the same thing. It has been smooth sailing (mostly) since then.
This of course got me to thinking about religion (what else does one think about in the middle of the night while trying not to murder their youngest child?) and how it acts as a crutch for so many of us. Without really having to think for yourself, religion answers so many of the questions at the root of our very humanity. I have always believed that opinions, values etc. that you have not come to on your own are not worth very much. Convictions handed to you on a silver platter are not rooted – they are dogmatic. They are easily manipulated and at times dangerous.
Like babies, we need to learn how to self-soothe. What calms me in my darkest hour will not neccesarily calm you. For me, when I feel overwhelmed by the hugeness of life and the enormity of this world or confused about death, I soothe myself with thoughts of nature. How beautiful and amazing it is. How big. How lucky I am to be a part of it at all and how it will continue on, long past when I am gone. The point is, it’s personal to me and how I feel. Everyone is different. The thoughts I have are my own – I have reached them by grappling with big ideas, seeking to understand the misunderstood and pushing myself to places that don’t feel all that safe or comfortable. This is how we grow. This is how we find the true meaning of what it means to be human. And if we cannot self-soothe, the least we can do is think for ourselves.
Okay, so as you may have guessed (or perhaps not by my late arrival to 2012), that this blog and you, my readers, make up a big chunk of my resolutions for this year. I need to get my shit together and write more often and more regularly. It’s not that I don’t have things to say, I just struggle to find the time to say them. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night with a post in my head but I just can’t leave the warm bed to sit down and write. Especially when I’m sleep deprived as it is. At any rate – bear with me. I’m here and 2012 is going to be a good year.
I’m not usually a big fan of these viral “fill in the blank” thingys, but I found this one at nothingbutbonfires (a favourite of mine if only because I have started to just travel vicariously through its writer. Sigh. Kids and being broke have seriously damaged my travel cred ) so here goes nothing:
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Umm, I gave birth to a boy. I moved to a new little town. I ran 9 miles (all at once!). I watched one of my brothers get married. I would like to say that I got myself into the full splits since this has been on my list of New Year’s resolutions for 6 or 7 years now but alas, 2011 was not the year.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Please see above. As far as my other resolutions go, yes, I kept most of the ones I can remember. (Isn’t that convenient?) I tried to get outside every day. I lost the baby weight. I worked to be a better wife and Mom. I tried to get down on the floor at least once a day and play with Paisley. I tried to say “Not right now – I’m busy” as little as possible. I made a bunch of new recipes.We made a huge change in order to improve our quality of life and I feel pretty good about that.
What I did not do was write as much as I had wanted, take as many pictures as I wanted and as previously mentioned, get down into the splits.
I am a resolution junkie. I make them every year and the list is usually exhaustive and unrealistic. It leaves little room for error or the realities of life with kids. Example: I will wake at 5:30 every morning and go for a run before sitting down with a coffee to write. When writing I will devote the first 30 minutes to my blog and the next half hour to the novel that I am sure is lurking deep within me. Yeah. Tthat very quickly turns into me stumbling out of bed at 7:30 after being roused for the third time by an incessantly hungry baby and a preschooler who insists that “my tummy is telling me I’m hungry and it’s YELLING!” and barely managing to have a coherent conversation with my husband before he abandons me head off for work. I don’t care what anyone says, exhaustion does not breed inspiration.
And yet – I’ll do it again. Cuz a girls gotta dream.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I did. It doesn’t get any closer than that.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no. I was pretty sad about Hitch but I obviously didn’t know him personally.
5. What countries did you visit?
Oh piss off. I remember when I could actually answer that question with a straight face.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Money, time and energy. Now that we are out of the newborn stage I am pretty sure I will have the latter two. As for money, that remains to be seen. I am thinking of picking up some part time work but I haven’t quite figured out what that looks like yet. Maybe I could combine my life-long goal of getting into the splits with a lucrative internet business?
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 23 – Declan was born. October 15th – my youngest brother was married. September 13th – we took possession of our new place. In December we went to see “Q” live with Jian Ghomeshi and it rocked my world.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Making the decision to move, pulling the trigger and doing it well (i.e. without killing each other, losing a kid or getting divorced) is the one thing I am most proud of. We were caught in the rat race and knew that we weren’t living our “authentic” lives. So many people live their lives by default and that is one thing that we have always tried to avoid. We made an opportunity and we took it and our lives are so much better for it. Every morning when I wake up in this house, in this cute little town and I have coffee with my husband before he heads down the street to his office I think, “Holy shit do I love it here.” That’s a good feeling.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Probably not writing here as much as I would like. And dare we mention the splits once more?
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The pregnancy was touch and go for a while and Declan was a twin until we lost one at 6 weeks. Oh, and I had a c-section but other than that, not really.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A house.
12. Where did most of your money go?
Who knows? Mortgage, bills…the usual. I will say that moving is very expensive and I won’t be doing that again in a hurry.
13. What did you get really excited about?
I got excited about our new family and having a little boy to get to know. I got excited about our new life in a new town. I got excited that Mad Men was coming back. And then it was over again before I knew it and then I got excited about it coming back again. Oh, and let us not forget, jeggings.
14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
I don’t know. I thing “Like a G6″ will definitely remind of this period in my life, if not this year specifically. Paisley loves it and calls it her “dancy song”. I smile every time I hear it.
15. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? Thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?
Happier, much happier. About the same. Poorer.
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Write. Travel. Sleep.
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worry. Spend mindless hours on the internet.
18. How did you spend Christmas?
We stayed close to home this year and spent time hanging out with friends and family. I fussed too much and did too much but other than that it was really nice.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
Mad Men. Entourage. Gossip Girl. Pretty Little Liars. And I’m trying to like PanAm…I’m really trying.
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
Oh wow. I read a lot so to be honest I can’t even remember what I read. I know I loved The Colony of Unrequited Dreams (Wayne Johnston) and Freedom by Jonathan Franzen.
21. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I planned a big party and then a few days before, remembered I was pregnant and tired and cancelled it. Instead I went out for a quiet dinner with my husband and celebrated my 33rd birthday as lamely as possible.
22. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Winning the lottery? Eating more seafood. Hiring a personal masseuse.
23. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
“Wear whatever you find lying around until you lose the baby weight and even then, ensure that any item of clothing purchased is comfortable, stain-resistant and cheap.” Result? New Year’s resolution of “Be a hip mama” left unmet. Again.
24. What kept you sane?
My husband. My kids. Exercise.The few hours I managed to get to myself. Writing. Early nights. Bubble baths.
25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Living an authentic life is the only way to be happy. Don’t check to see if the baby is poopy by slipping your finger into the diaper.
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So, this year? I’m running a half marathon, blogging regularly, making a point of trying to be present and appreciateive of my daily life and I’m going to try to learn to be more assertive. And if I can find time, I’ll take over the world. Oh, and do the splits.
I get a lot of emails and comments from parents who are recently “out of the closet” atheists and are feeling very alone. Many of you readers are the only atheist family you know and are struggling with how to parent and don’t have anyone to talk to. The comments I read always make me feel frustrated – there really are a lot of us out there but we haven’t figured out yet how to form a cohesive group without getting churchy about it. :) I am glad that this site has made some of you feel less alone and I am always happy to hear from you.
This book is a great read and an excellent resource for those of you who are new to secular parenting. It has a lot of funny/sweet anecdotes and some really practical advice from leading atheists on how to provide our kids with a sound foundation in secular life. One of the biggest misconceptions about raising atheist kids is that they will be immoral. (Despite unending evidence to the contrary- because who needs evidence when you’ve got yourself an opinion?!) This book is further proof that it is possible to raise ethical, kind, critical-thinkers who do the right thing for the right reason and show empathy towards their fellow human beings. It will make you laugh, it will make you think about what you’re doing as a parent and at the very least it will remind you that you are not alone. Not even close.
While all the other Mothers of the world are lamenting the departure of daylight savings time, I am rejoicing it. Because, here I am! Forced to get up early with the baby while Paisley remains asleep. A teething ring, a spoon and a butterfly on the floor are enough to occupy Declan while I sit near him with my laptop. The fact that I have not been writing (asides from the occasional grocery list, which does not count) has been driving me nuts. Writing has been a part of who I am for as long as I can remember and I always start to feel a sense of cognitive dissonance when I abandon that part of me for too long.
So, here is a long overdue update. Declan is good and growing like a weed. He is 6 months already, can we believe it?
Paisley is funny and clever and never stops talking. Like, ever. She may be part of the reason I can’t seem to grab even 20 minutes during the day to write (and let’s be honest, when I do manage to grab some quiet time I usually try to spend it horizontally. And not in a fun way. In a sleeping way. I am exhausted lately.) but she’s worth every draining second.
When I’m in a mood to allow it, these two bring me pure joy.
The big news for our family is that we moved.! We left the big city to go to a small little town. We’re still close to Calgary (I can make it to Ikea in 25 minutes…whew!) but not immersed in it. The decision to leave all happened very quickly and was a real whirlwind. We had been trying to find a way to get out of the situation we were in (hubby was commuting 1 hour each way downtown and working at a big law firm with a billable hours target and a lot of pressure. In short, it sucked and it was bad for him and our marriage) and then all of a sudden, like life is prone to do, an opportunity arose. We had to decide quickly to take it or leave it and so after a few short meetings and a tearful drive to Calgary we took the plunge.
I was sad at first at the idea of leaving the city and of course, all of my friends. I also knew that my family had to be the priority and that this move would benefit all of us eventually. We listed our house, bought our new house, and made the move all in the span of two months. Considering we had a new baby and it all happened so quickly, the move went pretty well and because we left the city we were able to get more house for our money.
Fast forward to today: my husband works three minutes from the house and as an independent practitioner (no boss! Other than me that is) along with two senior lawyers. We have a bigger house that we love more than the old one and Paisley has started preschool out here. We are starting to make friends (it sure takes some time when you’re all grown up) and feel settled and while we aren’t quite there yet, I just know we are going to love it here. Oh, did I mention my parents live here too? What a bonus that has been – we used to see them once every week or two and now we see them nearly every day. It’s nice to be able to have a quick visit and pop in for a cup of tea. It has changed the dynamics of the relationship and I love that the kids will have their grandparents be such a fixture in their day to day lives.
Now, all I need to do is figure out my schedule enough that I can get back to blogging. Sigh.
All my life I have been a very organized person. My husband always laughs about how he used to watch me (this is before he knew me) pull out 8 different coloured pens, two highlighters and a ruler just to take notes in class in University. I remember that too…I also remember leaving a class one day after realizing I hadn’t brought a ruler. The mere idea of an entire day’s worth of notes with crooked lines was too much for me. Okay, so maybe organized is the wrong word. Completely insane?
The point is, that despite my good time-management skills, I am struggling these days to sit down at the computer. I am enjoying having a new baby and my life otherwise is running smoothly but what I still can’t seem to do is find an hour of quiet time to myself during the day. And let’s be honest, if that doesn for some reason present itself, I use it to take a nap. So, my blog is suffering and I know it.
I miss writing and I miss the feeling of community I’ve always felt with this particular project. The only good thing is that a lot of my readers (Hi dear reader!) are Moms too and I’m hoping you’ll cut me some slack? Or at the very least give me some ideas? Baby is up between 6:00 and 6:30am (after eating a couple of times still through the night) and daughter is up at 7:00am which is why I am writing this now. I found a tiny sliver of time this morning and I grabbed a hold of it. Maybe that’s what I’ll have to do until things get a little better.
(Also – this baby loves me. A LOT. A lot more than his sister ever did and if I’m awake, he thinks I should be holding him or at the very least, talking with him. As I sit here writing this he is yelling at me to pick him up. It’s like he thinks I’m his mother or something.)
(The title of this post comes from a band I used to listen to in Junior High when I was pseudo-angry and really cutting edge but still deeply nerdy. They’re actually worth a listen if you can stand academic rap. )
In the past I have called for fellow Atheists to come out of the closet. Richard Dawkins is leading the charge to encourage non-believers to stop hiding behind the term “agnostic” and tell the people they work with, live with and love that they are Atheists. I believe strongly in this principle and know that it is the surest way to gain acceptance and end the ignorance that so often accompanies the “A word”.
And yet (this is where the hypocrisy comes in) I haven’t done the same in my own life. Now don’t get me wrong, everyone who knows me knows I’m an Atheist. My family, all my friends and anyone who ever happens to bring up the subject of religion within a 10 mile radius of me, all know how I feel. (Although I have learned to be a little less psycho militant about it as I’ve gotten older. It doesn’t exactly endear you to people.) On this blog however, I have remained anonymous and it has been nagging at me for ages.
There were several reasons why I chose not to use my name and simply go with Atheist Mom. It provides me with a sense of freedom to write about whatever and whomever I choose without the fear of repercussion. Mostly, I was concerned that my in-laws might be offended by what I have to say about their cult religion. My husband also has a completely irrational fear that I would be endangering our kids by posting their pictures online next to the word “Atheist”. Irrational but not crazy. So, we’ve reached a compromise – I will post our pictures but not our last name. Is that still wimping out? It’s a tough one – I want to introduce you to my family and my life but I also want to protect them and my husband is a pretty private guy. I’m trying to remain true to my ideals without pissing off the man I love.
So, there I am – up in the right-hand corner. Atheist Mom…also known as Caroline.
And here are my adorable babes:
