Posts Tagged kids
The Moral Athiest?
This recent comment from Tom:
“Since you are not bringing up your child with religious beliefs or so. I think you would struggle as a parent, as your child will have no bounaries or limits when they’re older as they are not going to be brought up with religious discipline. I myself, am a catholic and found that religion helped me to suceed to the fullest and gave me limits and boundaries to do things and not do things (drinking, wild parties, etc) on an occasional basis. As a teenager, I did drink and went to parties but also had limits which I am so proud of having! Please dont ignore or bad mouth this post with your silly atheist rants. P.S- GOD EXISTS AND HE’S THERE IF YOU DONT LIKE IT!!”
…is a perfect opportunity to address atheism and morality. It is a big misconception that non-religious people must be lacking in either a moral compass or the ability to control their own behaviour. I have always struggled to understand this approach. Partly because it is illogical but mostly because it doesn’t take a lot of observational prowess to look around and see that it simply isn’t true.
In Tom’s case, he suggests that religion has provided him with a code on how to live. It has helped him to make the right choices (one could argue that they are not actually choices since they are religiously and socially driven) and avoid situations and decisions that would be harmful or otherwise “immoral”. I won’t argue that religions provides this for many people but it is not the only way to live a moral life. In my view, doing the “right” thing because you are are either afraid of retribution from the sky or seeking an eternal reward makes the act less moral by nature. Doing something for the benefit for your fellow man or simply because it the right thing to do, in my opinion, carries more weight, demands more respect and is often times more difficult. Blind morality is not morality at all.
There have been many studies done that suggest human infants are born with an already developed sense of right and wrong. Having children has only confirmed to me that most of the time, left to their own devices, children will be kind to one another and have a keen sense of justice. They don’t always know how to behave in a socially appropriate way but they have a raw sense of right and wrong at a very young age. Far earlier than they are able to understand religion.
It is also true that many cultures who are more secular in day to day life (Sweden, Japan etc.) do not struggle with immortality run rampant. They are not having drug-fueled orgies in the streets. They are having children and going to school and living their lives, and they are doing so as morally as anyone else. There are “good” people and “bad” people in this world and only a fool would argue that they can be identified merely by their adherence to one faith or another (or none at all).
Which leads me to my most obvious point. Am I the only person aware of all the human atrocities and decidedly “unmoral” acts perpetrated in the name of religion?! People are being beaten, women are being veiled, children are being abused and countries are being attacked right now. Today. In the name of religion and so called “morality”. When the rights and wrongs of human existence are codified (always by old men I might add) they offer humans an opportunity to divorce themselves from free thought and personal consideration. They are given license to follow, blindly and in many cases, interpret morality for themselves and for others. These codes of course come into conflict when they are forced to coexist. And so, you have one religion preaching one sets of moral codes and another religion, or people, following another set of moral codes. And then you have war. And the most base of human behaviour is put on display for the world to watch in horror (and judgement ironically enough).
There are basic laws which societies tend to adhere to, whether they are religious or not. Murder, infanticide, theft, rape (although marital rape is condoned in many cultures – particularly religious ones) and several others are for the most part, universal. They are social codes that function to keep the tribe united and relatively peaceful. They have been there from the beginning of time and were adopted by religions later on as an attempt to absorb what morality already existed in society. They were not invented by religions nor by the religious. Many other laws, change over time. In the old testament it was immoral to leave your son uncircumcised, to wear clothing of mixed fibres or to cross-breed any animals. Today, even fundamentalist Christians ignore these commands and pick and choose the “laws” they follow. Morality is not an immutable fact – it is an evolving and plastic reflection of the human condition and the state of our social development.
My daughter will be just fine. She will learn to do what is right because it is right. She will learn to evaluate a situation, look within herself and decide what path she wants to take. She will have a strong sense of self and we will foster a respect and love for nature, our fellow humans beings and the health of our planet. My husband and I were moral individuals when we were active members of our respective religions and we are just as moral (my husband would say he is even more so) now that we are atheists. My daughter will learn that as atheists, it is not that we believe in “nothing”. It is that we believe in personal accountability.
1 comment March 7, 2010
Sick
Last night, we were getting our little girl ready for bed when hubby turned to me and said, “If I was still in the church, she would be learning to pray right about now.” WTF? She’s not even two yet!
The idea of teaching P to get down on her knees and recite some silly poem to the heavens, all in an effort to ingratiate herself to a brutal and inconsistent father in heaven (when she has a wonderful father right here on earth) is infuriating to me.
I have heard the argument made that teaching your kids to be atheist is no different than teaching them to have faith. You are indoctrinating them, either way. This is something I have struggled with because while I want P to think critically and rationally, I don’t want to force her to be a non-believer. I can say though, that I have never sat her down and told her anything about religion. Do you know why? Because she’s a baby! The idea that you would intentionally set out to introduce a supernatural being into a child’s reality before they have the skills or development to question it is sick and twisted. It’s taking advantage of a primed and vulnerable mind and it’s no wonder it is so difficult and painful for adults to leave the church when their faith is so deeply rooted in their infant brain.
I remember reading my hubby’s baby book not too long ago and feeling physically ill when I read this message from my MIL: “Brian received a gift of one dollar today and when I asked him what he was going to spend it on he told me he was going to save it for his mission, – Age 2″
Holy fuck.
2 comments October 15, 2009
What is the world coming to?
This recent article in Time magazine made me so mad and frustrated. A part of me just kept thinking “This can’t really be happening – obviously this judge is insane and it will be struck down at the New Jersey Supreme Court.” I’m hoping that’s what will happen but I’m not convinced.
This is an argument I have heard from believers before, “How could you not allow your children the privilege of religion in their lives?” I usually have two responses to this type of question:
1. The Outloud Response: Well, parents choose religion for their children all the time. Christians raise Christians, Muslims raise Muslims and atheists tend to raise atheists. And while I could argue that in principle they are the same, I think raising a secular child is even less offensive. Indoctrinating a child to believe one story over another versus teaching them to think critically and evaluate each “story” they come across. While it’s true that religion won’t receive much intellectual respect in our household it will be discussed openly with each religion being equally treated. I will not simply teach my kid to listen to me and trust me and believe in something. I want her to learn how to weigh evidence, critically evaluate things and think rationally. These are skills she will need throughout her life and if she applies them to religion, she will come to her own conclusions.
2. The Inside Voice: Well, I plan on keeping her from the “privilege” of experiencing addiction, abuse and pain so why not religion?
5 comments August 25, 2009
you can’t handle the tooth!
If I ever needed another argument agains intelligent design (and believe me, I don’t), teething would be it. Really? The best you could come up with was to slowly and excruciatingly push the tooth through tender flesh? No perforations or pre-made slits so the teeth can pop through effortlessly? My poor little girl is a walking poster child for the haphazard beauty that is evolution.
Add comment May 8, 2009
on motherhood
I was told by my MIL and many others that my approach to the world would shift dramatically when I had my own child. I think my MIL in particular fully expected me to become LDS and lead her wayward son back to the flock. Many mothers cannot imagine having a child and not having religion. I understand that to some degree. I understand how deeply you love that babe in your arms and how desperately you want them to live for all time and be protected while they do it. Unfortunately, wanting something does not make it so.
Having a child did indeed change my perspective, but probably not in the way my MIL would have liked. I remember looking into her newborn eyes and promising her that I would do everything in my power to protect her from religion and all the things it brings with it. I want her to live in a world of reason and truth. Where people’s energies are devoted to one another and to improving our lot in life as opposed to works for some unseen God. I want her to learn that the natural world is amazing and incredible and all that we have. That it must be protected as well as loved and that the answers to the mystery of the universe are ours to discover. When she stumbles I want her to think “What can I do about this?” as opposed to getting down on her knees and handing the job over to someone else.
Religion brings fear, limits, consequences and rigid rules that should not be questioned. For many people that is what parenting is and so having a God to “back you up” makes life easier. They take the “heavenly father” analogy quite literally. We, on the other hand, will treat the whole subject the same as we would treat any other imaginary friend.
Add comment March 6, 2009
personal inquisition
Neo-atheism, as it is increasingly called, tends to be loud, militant and, one could argue, even dogmatic. I have struggled with this version of atheism and with how my own beliefs and value fit within the community. When I first left the Catholic church (an act that required me to just stop going, as opposed to say, the Mormon Church which requires a letter and a formal resignation) and became an atheist I was more militant than I am now. I was quicker to dismiss believers, quicker to challenge people and their ideas. Now I am more willing to let things go and avoid the debate because I know that the likelihood of me actually changing any one’s mind is near zero. Having said that, I completely understand how angry and frustrated people like Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens must feel. When you see things around you that are completely wrong or immoral and the people doing them are using religion as a defense, it is hard to stomach. (While both Dawkins and Hitchens take issue with all religion, they share a particular dislike of fanatical religions and admit that some believers are neutral, even benevolent, in their approach to religion.) As a preeminent evolutionary biologist, Dawkins must want to rip his own hair out when the very existence of evolution and its principles are challenged by some grade 5 science teacher. It would be like someone coming to me and saying “I don’t believe in diabetes.” What do you mean you don’t believe in diabetes? It’s a fact. I have it. Would you like to see my blood tests, blood-sugar readings, and doctors reports? “That stuff doesn’t matter. I don’t believe in it.” The only thing worse would be if hundreds of thousands of other people didn’t believe in my diabetes and were teaching their kids not to believe in it either.
Anyway, back to my point. I sympathize with the way these atheists feel and with the vigour with which they attack religion. I do not believe that religion is a positive thing. I think it has been, and continues to be, bad for the world and for people’s individual lives. I think it limits creativity, kindness, cooperation and growth. I think it stifles individualism and feminism and dampens the human spirit. I would love my daughter to grow up in a world without religion, where science and reason are valued above superstition and faith. But I also want her to grow up in a world where people are free to believe what they want. Therein lies the rub.
Dogmatic atheism, while understandable, risks falling into the same category as the religions it vilifies. If people are to accept atheism as a morally sound and enticing way of life, it will come by honey, not by vinegar. The acceptance we are looking for will come from gentle conversations, respect and people seeing that there is another viable option. I suppose both approaches serve a purpose and perhaps there is room for both in the atheism movement. We want the same thing and I have to credit both Dawkins and Hitchens for bringing the debate into the public and selling SO MANY books. I love both of them and think they are incredibly intelligent, persuasive, comical and convincing, even if they are a little condescending. I guess if your job title includes the word “intellectual” or “thinker” you’re probably entitled to be a little condescending.
I am still struggling with how to approach this in my own life. I do not want to be silent when I hear people say stupid things (“We’re fasting for rain this week” for example. I mean, there’s a test you can’t fail. Only one thing will end a drought: rain. You’ll get it eventually…) but I don’t want to be rude either. I recognize how hated atheists are and I know the only way to change that is to speak out and be proud, and like the gay movement, ensure that everyone I know knows they know an atheist. (Did you like that sentence?) I don’t want to stand by and condone faulty ideas with my silence but I also don’t want to be confrontational. Although it is perfectly socially acceptable to talk about Jesus or angels or church, it is not yet acceptable to deny Jesus existed or balk at the idea of your little girl being called an angel on the grounds that she clearly exists. But we’ll never get there if someone doesn’t start doing these things. When you feel so strongly about something it is hard to be quiet and just be. I suppose that’s what got religion going in the first place. The question that remains to be answered is, with the neo-atheists leading the next Crusades, whether I’ll be taking up arms or locking my door.
Add comment February 21, 2009
a long time coming
This blog has been a long time in the making. As a former Catholic, now atheist, and someone who spends a lot of time thinking about (and debating) religion, it was only natural that I provide myself a soapbox from which to scream.
I was raised Catholic and truth be told, I loved going to Church. I loved the songs and the smells and the rituals. When I was in University (studying Neuroscience which no doubt, played a large role in my “conversion”) I met a young Mormon man and we started dating. He wasn’t just your run of the mill quasi-Mormon – this guy was hard core. He went on a mission, he paid his tithing and a lot of his self-worth was wrapped up in his church and beliefs. Despite our differences of opinions we manged to make it work and just avoided the topic of religion all together. I researched his religion and church obsessively hoping that I could find something to believe in. I loved this man and I thought that if this church was true and I could believe it then that would be the easiest way to make sure we could be together. I read the Book of Mormon, I prayed, I read “faith-affirming” church-sanctioned literature, I looked for signs and waited to hear a still, small voice. What I heard was my inner voice telling me that this was the weirdest religion I had ever encountered. Quite frankly it creeped me out.
That research into the Mormon faith also made me look at my own faith in a different way. Catholicism, unlike the LDS (Latter Day Saints) faith, allows you to pick and choose what you or don’t believe. There is no church authority that will come and knock on your door because you hadn’t paid tithing or taken the Eucharist. If you wanted to believe that the Pope was a creepy old man playing dress up as opposed to God’s human representative on Earth that was fine. You could still go to church and call yourself Catholic. I started to examine my own beliefs and found myself lacking in some very important areas – I didn’t believe in transubstantiation or in the virgin birth. I didn’t believe that Mary remained a virgin until she died (poor woman!), or that the Pope was infallible. Truth be told, I found him especially fallible. I didn’t really understand the trinity and was revolted by the church’s stance on contraception. All of this made me wonder what it was exactly that made me self-identify as Catholic.
From there it was a long, sometimes painful, and bumpy road to atheism. If the Mormons all believed a bunch of blooey and the Catholic church wasn’t true either, was any religion real? Unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend was going through the very same thing. He had taken the opportunity to go to Africa and study baboons for 6 months and as he spent his days watching them interact with each other he couldn’t ignore the similarities between them and humans. Evolution was his sticking point and like most lies, once they start to unravel it is hard to stop.
We were fortunate to have some people in our lives who were already atheists and they offered us insight and hope when all we saw was darkness. Over the next few years we would become part of a community through the Council for Secular Humanism and other atheist organizations. My (by this time) husband spent a lot of time on exmormon.org and decided to have his name officially removed from the church records. I wish the Catholic church provided the same service but as far as I know, it doesn’t.
Fast forward nearly ten years and here we are. Becoming atheists was the best thing we have ever done. My husband often comments on what a better person he is now that he is out of the church. He no longer sees people as “members” or “non-members”, Christian or Muslim. He is less judgmental, less restricted, less afraid, more hopeful and happy. As for me, I now value critical thinking more than ever. I the world for what it is and do my best to ensure that the world will be left a better place for my having been in it. I live in a world of actualities and light rather than conjecture, blind faith and fear. I live in the now because there is no after. I do not pray for the hungry, I feed them. I don’t thank God when something amazing happens, I thank the people and the technology that made it possible. And above all, I live each and every day to the fullest because I know I don’t get a second chance.
My goal in this website is threefold. First and foremost, I want to offer a different perspective on atheism. It is not a mere absence of belief. It is an exchange of beliefs from the supernatural to the man-made, from blind faith to personal accountability. Secondly, I want the people who are already atheists (some of who might not even know it yet) to feel proud. There is no need to hide or be embarrassed about your choice. And lastly, I want parents, atheist or not, to think twice about what they tell their children. What stories do we feed them, what values do we uphold? I strongly believe that children who are raised to think for themselves and critically analyze the world around them will not only live fuller, happier lives, they will make this world a better, brighter, place to live.
1 comment February 19, 2009
