Posts Tagged Frustration
It’s a small world after all…
My little sister-in-law is 19 and beautiful. She is smart and funny, a talented writer and photographer and despite a lot of pressure, she has managed to avoid the Mormon mold. Until now.
After graduating, she had some big ideas. Some very atypical (for Mormons at least – the acceptable range is so much narrower) ideas like traveling. Or volunteering somewhere in South America. She wanted to study fashion and live in London. While we did our best to offer support, money and anything else she might need to make these things happen, these ideas were abandoned. She met a boy, all her friends went on missions, she started talking about BYU Hawaii. We were a bit disappointed but BYU Hawaii was at least somewhere and the chilled atmosphere would suit her personality perfectly. It was still outside the normal range of expectations and so we were pleased. Then it became BYU Provo.
The most recent news is that she will be going to BYU Idaho (formerly Ricks College). And living with her best friend from high school. And will not meet a single non-Mormon during her entire stay. And she’s taking general studies. Basically, she’s passing time until she meets a returned missionary and gets married. I was devastated when she told me. Not because there is anything wrong with BYU Idaho (my husband went there for the year before his mission) or living with your best friend (even though this particular friend has not been good to my little sis and has been pushed on her by my MIL for years) but because the whole concept is so small and my little sister could do so much better. Being young is about meeting people with new perspectives, having your ideas and your identity challenged, learning and falling and growing and sometimes, getting a fresh start. My SIL won’t get any of that and I am so sad for her. And so goddamned angry at her family and the little piss-ant town she lives in. Sigh.
Add comment November 3, 2009
Sick
Last night, we were getting our little girl ready for bed when hubby turned to me and said, “If I was still in the church, she would be learning to pray right about now.” WTF? She’s not even two yet!
The idea of teaching P to get down on her knees and recite some silly poem to the heavens, all in an effort to ingratiate herself to a brutal and inconsistent father in heaven (when she has a wonderful father right here on earth) is infuriating to me.
I have heard the argument made that teaching your kids to be atheist is no different than teaching them to have faith. You are indoctrinating them, either way. This is something I have struggled with because while I want P to think critically and rationally, I don’t want to force her to be a non-believer. I can say though, that I have never sat her down and told her anything about religion. Do you know why? Because she’s a baby! The idea that you would intentionally set out to introduce a supernatural being into a child’s reality before they have the skills or development to question it is sick and twisted. It’s taking advantage of a primed and vulnerable mind and it’s no wonder it is so difficult and painful for adults to leave the church when their faith is so deeply rooted in their infant brain.
I remember reading my hubby’s baby book not too long ago and feeling physically ill when I read this message from my MIL: “Brian received a gift of one dollar today and when I asked him what he was going to spend it on he told me he was going to save it for his mission, – Age 2″
Holy fuck.
2 comments October 15, 2009
Love the sinner, hate the sin?
I’ve always thought the Christian motto of “love the sinner, hate the sin” to be a load of codswallup. How do you “love” someone while standing in judgment of them?
More recently though, I have found myself holding a similar motto in my mind as I navigate life with my little brother -in-law. He has recently been called to his mission (Arizona, spanish speaking) and everyone in the family is overjoyed. Except us. We are trying to walk the thin line of supporting him while not supporting his choice. He is so excited for this big adventure, and while we like th idea of him travelling and learning another language and want to help him financially and be there for him at this time of his life, we can’t support the reason he is going.
My husband has flip-flopped on whether or not to talk to him about any of this and we still haven’t completely decided. On one hand, we don’t want to put a damper on what is an otherwise exciting time in his life. At the same time, he is going to be challenged relentlessly for the next two years so he might as well get used to it.
Missions are well-designed in the sense that many young boys (and girls) really find themselves while they are away. My little bro will likely lose the weight he needs to lose, find discipline, structure and a sense of accomplishment he’s never had before. He will be welcomed and applauded every Sunday in church and will work harder than he’s ever had to, all in the name of God. Our fear is that we know he will attribute all of these positive things to the mission itself as opposed to the structure and regular exercise it brings.
Hubby wants to talk to him about that and a few other things he himself experienced on his mission so that when they happen, the seed of doubt has already been planted. When the church tells him certain things that go directly against what he sees in the world (for example, that only church member are truly happy…just ignore the smiling Dad with his baby girl on his shoulders, eating ice cream in the park. He’s not really happy) he will have already been primed to see the inconsistency.
What we are more inclined to do however, is to just shut up, give him a hug and a $100 and send him on his way. There is going to be a lot of tongue biting between now and March.
1 comment October 11, 2009
Prayer ID Required
I have written before about prayer and how egotistical and irrational it really is. While I understand the emotional need to feel like you are “doing something” in a time of crisis, I think prayer is a perfect example of what can happen when you don’t actually stop and think about what you are doing.
Yesterday, a family friend was in a car accident and my MIL immediately started calling for prayers on Facebook. I have seen this a lot. I have been invited to prayer groups and been called to “pray for so-and-so because he/she needs your faith”. My response is to politely ignore the invitation, privately fume and move on. The thing I noticed yesterday however, was how many of these groups use the first name and last name of the people needing prayers. In the cases I’ve seen this is intended for those who don’t know the person personally but wish to add them to their prayers.
So, I can assume that God needs surnames? Should people perhaps include birth dates or addresses when praying on their behalf? Is there a risk of identity theft in heaven? What if there were two Steve Smith’s battling cancer and God was having bad day? Would one man live and the other die? If I just prayed for “Bob” would some guy in Utah sit up from his hospital bed while my friend remained in a coma?
Ridiculous right?
Right.
Add comment September 15, 2009
Edumacated?
Although I am a Canadian, I have many American friends and have spent a lot of time in the US. I recognize the power and influence that resides below our border and therefore, follow closely the political and religious (the line between which is increasingly blurry I’m afraid) ongoings of the country. I have to say that I am discouraged, bewildered and sometimes afraid at the state of affairs these days.
The anti-intellectualism exhibited primarily by the right-wing in the US is shocking. People seem to pride themselves in having faith over having knowledge and refuse to listen to any information coming from the other side, even if it is fact. They don’t believe in fact anymore it would seem – only nuance and semantics. Fox news will lie outright (a good example would be when they labelled disgraced Florida representative, Mark Foley as a democrat) and people don’t even notice. And when they do notice they somehow, don’t care! A true democracy relies on an informed base and I’m afraid that the American media and the American people have failed to do their job.
The question though, is where does this lack of critical evaluation and consideration come from? I would argue it is rooted in religion. When you are encouraged to take things on faith rather than evidence it is only a matter of time before that same approach seeps into the rest of your life. When your brain becomes habituated to shutting down, not questioning and ignoring evidence which does not support your world view, it starts to atrophy. This effect is crystalized by a society that celebrates this “fiction over fact” mentality and it perpetuates itself into homes, schools and the media. My mother-in-law, who is Mormon, has a sign on her fridge that reads “Character is higher than intellect.” Each time we visit, my husband and I are tempted to write “And intellect is higher than God.” but so far we haven’t touched the damn thing. What does character mean exactly anyway? Grrr…this could launch me into a whole other subject so I’m going to stop thinking about that sign on the fridge door. That damn sign that sets such low standards for a growing family.
The point is, people have been taught not to think. If you have to force yourself to accept that the world, contrary to so much evidence, is only 6,000 years old than I suppose it is not at all a stretch to believe that the President is a socialist. And if your Republican friends believe it too than it must be true. Don’t bother to pick up a dictionary and look up the term “socialist” (the dictionary is probably produced by some left-wing atheist publisher anyhow) or ask yourself what it must be like to truly live in a socialist country, or heaven forbid, actually read the health reform initiatives in their original forms, without interpretation. Why is it that the national newspapers are writing at a grade 4-5 level? How is it that so many people don’t know that Africa is a continent, or what “socialist” means or how the scientific method works? How is it that health reporting is so bad that experts now say it is causing more harm than good, and even “reporters” don’t check facts?
How did religion come to trump reason? And most importantly, how do we fix it?
3 comments September 14, 2009
What is the world coming to?
This recent article in Time magazine made me so mad and frustrated. A part of me just kept thinking “This can’t really be happening – obviously this judge is insane and it will be struck down at the New Jersey Supreme Court.” I’m hoping that’s what will happen but I’m not convinced.
This is an argument I have heard from believers before, “How could you not allow your children the privilege of religion in their lives?” I usually have two responses to this type of question:
1. The Outloud Response: Well, parents choose religion for their children all the time. Christians raise Christians, Muslims raise Muslims and atheists tend to raise atheists. And while I could argue that in principle they are the same, I think raising a secular child is even less offensive. Indoctrinating a child to believe one story over another versus teaching them to think critically and evaluate each “story” they come across. While it’s true that religion won’t receive much intellectual respect in our household it will be discussed openly with each religion being equally treated. I will not simply teach my kid to listen to me and trust me and believe in something. I want her to learn how to weigh evidence, critically evaluate things and think rationally. These are skills she will need throughout her life and if she applies them to religion, she will come to her own conclusions.
2. The Inside Voice: Well, I plan on keeping her from the “privilege” of experiencing addiction, abuse and pain so why not religion?
5 comments August 25, 2009
Calgary Catholic Schools and HPV
The province I live in, like most of those in Canada, has two separate school systems; the Catholic and the Public. Confusingly, and in my opinion, wrongly, they are both publicly funded. This means that the local Bishop is the moral guide for the school system. Yup, that’s right. A Bishop. Making what amounts to decisions for a public institution. Creepy. Anyway, this post is not about the Catholic school system but about some recent issues within that system here in Calgary.
The HPV virus is not without controversy and while I don’t object to it I do admit there are some troubling issues surrounding the timing, funding and research of the vaccine. However, this is about what happens when a religious nut opens his mouth and potentially endangers the lives of women. The Alberta Health Services decided to offer the vaccine (Gardisil) to girls in grade 5 in the province of Alberta. They felt that at this young age they could be sure to catch most girls before they became sexually active. Bishop Fred Henry came out and said he felt that giving the vaccination to girls within the Catholic school system would encourage them to have pre-marital sex and was therefore opposed on moral grounds. The school trustees in true Catholic form, stopped thinking for themselves (or about the people to whom they are charged with protecting) and agreed with Bishop Henry. They refused to offer the vaccine in school and gave children the option to go to a local health clinic to receive it.
Fast forward a year and we now have the results of this theocratic “health” decision. Only 30% of girls in the Catholic schools received the vaccination. (Interestingly, the French Catholic board ignored their Bishop and 60% of their students received the vaccine…I can only assume those parents are just as Catholic so it had less to do with moral objection and more to do with being too lazy to take their daughter to a clinic. Grrr.) Great, so now when little Sally gets cervical cancer she can feel good about the fact that she listened to an old man who had never had sex and never would and never ran any risk whatsoever of contracting HPV.
To me this is not about whether or not the HPV vaccine is safe, effective or the right choice for your kids. That debate exists within the realm of science and reason and facts. That’s okay. What I take issues with is that first of all, anyone could actually think that giving young girls a vaccine will encourage them to have sex. That is just so weird! It’s not based on evidence or research or even common sense. It’s ignorant and in this case, potentially dangerous. It is the exact same argument that many make against birth control and it has been disproved time and time again. The second issue is that Bishop Henry has a role to play at all. This is a health decision and as I already mentioned, a publicly funded institution. He can say what he wants at the pulpit but the school trustees should be ashamed of themselves for cow-towing to his religious authority.
I can’t believe I actually used to have a framed picture of Bishop Fred Henry in my house. What the hell was I thinking?
6 comments June 23, 2009
