Posts tagged ‘family’
Happy New Year!
Okay, so as you may have guessed (or perhaps not by my late arrival to 2012), that this blog and you, my readers, make up a big chunk of my resolutions for this year. I need to get my shit together and write more often and more regularly. It’s not that I don’t have things to say, I just struggle to find the time to say them. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night with a post in my head but I just can’t leave the warm bed to sit down and write. Especially when I’m sleep deprived as it is. At any rate – bear with me. I’m here and 2012 is going to be a good year.
I’m not usually a big fan of these viral “fill in the blank” thingys, but I found this one at nothingbutbonfires (a favourite of mine if only because I have started to just travel vicariously through its writer. Sigh. Kids and being broke have seriously damaged my travel cred ) so here goes nothing:
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Umm, I gave birth to a boy. I moved to a new little town. I ran 9 miles (all at once!). I watched one of my brothers get married. I would like to say that I got myself into the full splits since this has been on my list of New Year’s resolutions for 6 or 7 years now but alas, 2011 was not the year.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Please see above. As far as my other resolutions go, yes, I kept most of the ones I can remember. (Isn’t that convenient?) I tried to get outside every day. I lost the baby weight. I worked to be a better wife and Mom. I tried to get down on the floor at least once a day and play with Paisley. I tried to say “Not right now – I’m busy” as little as possible. I made a bunch of new recipes.We made a huge change in order to improve our quality of life and I feel pretty good about that.
What I did not do was write as much as I had wanted, take as many pictures as I wanted and as previously mentioned, get down into the splits.
I am a resolution junkie. I make them every year and the list is usually exhaustive and unrealistic. It leaves little room for error or the realities of life with kids. Example: I will wake at 5:30 every morning and go for a run before sitting down with a coffee to write. When writing I will devote the first 30 minutes to my blog and the next half hour to the novel that I am sure is lurking deep within me. Yeah. Tthat very quickly turns into me stumbling out of bed at 7:30 after being roused for the third time by an incessantly hungry baby and a preschooler who insists that “my tummy is telling me I’m hungry and it’s YELLING!” and barely managing to have a coherent conversation with my husband before he abandons me head off for work. I don’t care what anyone says, exhaustion does not breed inspiration.
And yet – I’ll do it again. Cuz a girls gotta dream.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I did. It doesn’t get any closer than that.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no. I was pretty sad about Hitch but I obviously didn’t know him personally.
5. What countries did you visit?
Oh piss off. I remember when I could actually answer that question with a straight face.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Money, time and energy. Now that we are out of the newborn stage I am pretty sure I will have the latter two. As for money, that remains to be seen. I am thinking of picking up some part time work but I haven’t quite figured out what that looks like yet. Maybe I could combine my life-long goal of getting into the splits with a lucrative internet business?
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 23 – Declan was born. October 15th – my youngest brother was married. September 13th – we took possession of our new place. In December we went to see “Q” live with Jian Ghomeshi and it rocked my world.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Making the decision to move, pulling the trigger and doing it well (i.e. without killing each other, losing a kid or getting divorced) is the one thing I am most proud of. We were caught in the rat race and knew that we weren’t living our “authentic” lives. So many people live their lives by default and that is one thing that we have always tried to avoid. We made an opportunity and we took it and our lives are so much better for it. Every morning when I wake up in this house, in this cute little town and I have coffee with my husband before he heads down the street to his office I think, “Holy shit do I love it here.” That’s a good feeling.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Probably not writing here as much as I would like. And dare we mention the splits once more?
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The pregnancy was touch and go for a while and Declan was a twin until we lost one at 6 weeks. Oh, and I had a c-section but other than that, not really.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A house.
12. Where did most of your money go?
Who knows? Mortgage, bills…the usual. I will say that moving is very expensive and I won’t be doing that again in a hurry.
13. What did you get really excited about?
I got excited about our new family and having a little boy to get to know. I got excited about our new life in a new town. I got excited that Mad Men was coming back. And then it was over again before I knew it and then I got excited about it coming back again. Oh, and let us not forget, jeggings.
14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
I don’t know. I thing “Like a G6″ will definitely remind of this period in my life, if not this year specifically. Paisley loves it and calls it her “dancy song”. I smile every time I hear it.
15. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? Thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?
Happier, much happier. About the same. Poorer.
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Write. Travel. Sleep.
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worry. Spend mindless hours on the internet.
18. How did you spend Christmas?
We stayed close to home this year and spent time hanging out with friends and family. I fussed too much and did too much but other than that it was really nice.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
Mad Men. Entourage. Gossip Girl. Pretty Little Liars. And I’m trying to like PanAm…I’m really trying.
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
Oh wow. I read a lot so to be honest I can’t even remember what I read. I know I loved The Colony of Unrequited Dreams (Wayne Johnston) and Freedom by Jonathan Franzen.
21. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I planned a big party and then a few days before, remembered I was pregnant and tired and cancelled it. Instead I went out for a quiet dinner with my husband and celebrated my 33rd birthday as lamely as possible.
22. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Winning the lottery? Eating more seafood. Hiring a personal masseuse.
23. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
“Wear whatever you find lying around until you lose the baby weight and even then, ensure that any item of clothing purchased is comfortable, stain-resistant and cheap.” Result? New Year’s resolution of “Be a hip mama” left unmet. Again.
24. What kept you sane?
My husband. My kids. Exercise.The few hours I managed to get to myself. Writing. Early nights. Bubble baths.
25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Living an authentic life is the only way to be happy. Don’t check to see if the baby is poopy by slipping your finger into the diaper.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
So, this year? I’m running a half marathon, blogging regularly, making a point of trying to be present and appreciateive of my daily life and I’m going to try to learn to be more assertive. And if I can find time, I’ll take over the world. Oh, and do the splits.
Parenting Beyond Belief
I get a lot of emails and comments from parents who are recently “out of the closet” atheists and are feeling very alone. Many of you readers are the only atheist family you know and are struggling with how to parent and don’t have anyone to talk to. The comments I read always make me feel frustrated – there really are a lot of us out there but we haven’t figured out yet how to form a cohesive group without getting churchy about it. :) I am glad that this site has made some of you feel less alone and I am always happy to hear from you.
This book is a great read and an excellent resource for those of you who are new to secular parenting. It has a lot of funny/sweet anecdotes and some really practical advice from leading atheists on how to provide our kids with a sound foundation in secular life. One of the biggest misconceptions about raising atheist kids is that they will be immoral. (Despite unending evidence to the contrary- because who needs evidence when you’ve got yourself an opinion?!) This book is further proof that it is possible to raise ethical, kind, critical-thinkers who do the right thing for the right reason and show empathy towards their fellow human beings. It will make you laugh, it will make you think about what you’re doing as a parent and at the very least it will remind you that you are not alone. Not even close.
In Defense of Polygamy
Today, a Canadian court upheld our anti-polygamy laws, in a case I have been following pretty closely. This case centers around the polygamous group living in Bountiful, British Columbia specifically and the law has been used to try and protect young women from being forced to marry. Now obviously, I think Bountiful and everything it stands for is sick, twisted and wrong. These young girls are born and raised in a sexist and abusive culture and have very little say in who they marry. Being wife number 6 to a 79-year-old man while still in your teens is wrong by anybody’s standards (well, I guess not everyone…yeah, I’m talking to you Warren Jeffs) and by no means do I support what those crazy Mormons are doing. (On a sidenote/rant: It drives me crazy to hear the rhetoric that the Mormon church and its members are using in order to distance themselves from all this muck. Do you know how many times I’ve heard people say “They aren’t Mormon!” or deny that they are a break-off from the Mormon church? This is what Mormonism looked like 100 years ago folks, deal with it. Ahh, that feels better.)
However, I don’t know that I’m really opposed to polygamy so much. I guess this is where some of my more libertarian views come crashing into my socially democratic ones. I don’t like the government telling people who they can and can’t be with. I’m a big supporter of gay marriage and straight marriage and any other kind of marriage provided everyone within said marriage is an adult and is happy to be there. I’ve looked into this a little and it turns out there is a whole community of people living in polyamorous relationships and they don’t look anything like they do in the cults/compounds of BC. There are women living with two husbands, men living with more than one wife…every configuration you can imagine (and I’m sure a few you can’t). They aren’t hurting anyone and if they want to have two husbands God help them that’s their choice.
Surely there are already laws in place to protect adult men from marrying under-aged girls several times over. I mean, really. If not then there should be. I’m just not sure that it should ban polygamy outright. There are days when a sister-wife would come in pretty handy.
Atheist Mom Gets A New House
While all the other Mothers of the world are lamenting the departure of daylight savings time, I am rejoicing it. Because, here I am! Forced to get up early with the baby while Paisley remains asleep. A teething ring, a spoon and a butterfly on the floor are enough to occupy Declan while I sit near him with my laptop. The fact that I have not been writing (asides from the occasional grocery list, which does not count) has been driving me nuts. Writing has been a part of who I am for as long as I can remember and I always start to feel a sense of cognitive dissonance when I abandon that part of me for too long.
So, here is a long overdue update. Declan is good and growing like a weed. He is 6 months already, can we believe it?
Paisley is funny and clever and never stops talking. Like, ever. She may be part of the reason I can’t seem to grab even 20 minutes during the day to write (and let’s be honest, when I do manage to grab some quiet time I usually try to spend it horizontally. And not in a fun way. In a sleeping way. I am exhausted lately.) but she’s worth every draining second.
When I’m in a mood to allow it, these two bring me pure joy.
The big news for our family is that we moved.! We left the big city to go to a small little town. We’re still close to Calgary (I can make it to Ikea in 25 minutes…whew!) but not immersed in it. The decision to leave all happened very quickly and was a real whirlwind. We had been trying to find a way to get out of the situation we were in (hubby was commuting 1 hour each way downtown and working at a big law firm with a billable hours target and a lot of pressure. In short, it sucked and it was bad for him and our marriage) and then all of a sudden, like life is prone to do, an opportunity arose. We had to decide quickly to take it or leave it and so after a few short meetings and a tearful drive to Calgary we took the plunge.
I was sad at first at the idea of leaving the city and of course, all of my friends. I also knew that my family had to be the priority and that this move would benefit all of us eventually. We listed our house, bought our new house, and made the move all in the span of two months. Considering we had a new baby and it all happened so quickly, the move went pretty well and because we left the city we were able to get more house for our money.
Fast forward to today: my husband works three minutes from the house and as an independent practitioner (no boss! Other than me that is) along with two senior lawyers. We have a bigger house that we love more than the old one and Paisley has started preschool out here. We are starting to make friends (it sure takes some time when you’re all grown up) and feel settled and while we aren’t quite there yet, I just know we are going to love it here. Oh, did I mention my parents live here too? What a bonus that has been – we used to see them once every week or two and now we see them nearly every day. It’s nice to be able to have a quick visit and pop in for a cup of tea. It has changed the dynamics of the relationship and I love that the kids will have their grandparents be such a fixture in their day to day lives.
Now, all I need to do is figure out my schedule enough that I can get back to blogging. Sigh.
Swamped
All my life I have been a very organized person. My husband always laughs about how he used to watch me (this is before he knew me) pull out 8 different coloured pens, two highlighters and a ruler just to take notes in class in University. I remember that too…I also remember leaving a class one day after realizing I hadn’t brought a ruler. The mere idea of an entire day’s worth of notes with crooked lines was too much for me. Okay, so maybe organized is the wrong word. Completely insane?
The point is, that despite my good time-management skills, I am struggling these days to sit down at the computer. I am enjoying having a new baby and my life otherwise is running smoothly but what I still can’t seem to do is find an hour of quiet time to myself during the day. And let’s be honest, if that doesn for some reason present itself, I use it to take a nap. So, my blog is suffering and I know it.
I miss writing and I miss the feeling of community I’ve always felt with this particular project. The only good thing is that a lot of my readers (Hi dear reader!) are Moms too and I’m hoping you’ll cut me some slack? Or at the very least give me some ideas? Baby is up between 6:00 and 6:30am (after eating a couple of times still through the night) and daughter is up at 7:00am which is why I am writing this now. I found a tiny sliver of time this morning and I grabbed a hold of it. Maybe that’s what I’ll have to do until things get a little better.
(Also – this baby loves me. A LOT. A lot more than his sister ever did and if I’m awake, he thinks I should be holding him or at the very least, talking with him. As I sit here writing this he is yelling at me to pick him up. It’s like he thinks I’m his mother or something.)
Hiatus
Sheesh, you would think I fell of the planet, or died or had a baby or something. Oh right, I did. Have a baby that is. :) Sorry for my absenteeism folks – been a little busy. So here is the story in a nutshell:
On April 23rd (much later than the doctor had ever thought I would make it) I had a baby boy weighing 6lbs 12oz. (Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird that we announce a baby’s weight. I mean the range is so small really. If the baby is 12 lbs and you pushed it out of your vagina, hey, scream it to the world. But if it’s a normal size baby then it doesn’t really mean anything, does it?) He was born by c-section just before 11am and he is perfect.
Or he was, until he came down with sepsis (a blood infection) and spent the next nest 8 days in the NICU. It was a long, taxing, exhausting and desperate week. I cried every morning because I was leaving my daughter at home and cried every night because I had to leave my son at the hospital. (I know there are parents who do this for much longer than I had to and to be honest I don’t know how they do it. I guess, you just do it. ) My poor daughter, who had been dying to meet her new baby for months and months, developed an infection herself just days after he was born and was barred from visiting the NICU. Poor kid. All in all, it sucked but little guy pulled through and despite many needles, a central line, IV’s, a lumbar puncture and a shaved head (all that cute baby fuzz – gone), he came home and is doing really well.
So, now we are living the normal life of a family with a newborn. I’m tired and a bit frazzled but head over heels in love. I keep thinking of things to post and then I just can’t find the time. I started this post at least three times before it actually got finished and published and the days are quickly turning into weeks. Rest assured, I have not forgotten you and Atheist Mom is still alive and well functioning.
40 Weeks?
From the very beginning of this pregnancy I have been told by doctors that I will go into preterm labour. I have a bicornuate uterus, diabetes and a history of preterm labour (35.5 weeks) with my daughter. Here I am at 33 weeks and so far, nothing. Which is a good thing I know but I really hadn’t prepared mentally for much beyond 36 weeks. Everything is going so smoothly, I feel wonderful, I’ve managed to keep the weight gain to a reasonable amount and baby is as healthy as can be. For some reason I have a horrible feeling I am going to see April and then even mid-April while still sporting a giant belly. Isn’t that just the way?
My daughter who just turned three at the end of January is getting very excited to meet her little brother (did I tell you it was a boy? It’s a boy!) She tells me all the time about all the things she is going to do with him:
“I’m going to teach him how to eat. He can’t eat though because he doesn’t have teeth. I have teeth. That’s why I can talk. I like to talk. I am going to teach my baby brother how to talk. I am going to take him on a walk and show him the park and he can go on the swings with me. He’ll like that. I can hold him and carry him and I’m going to tickle him and make him laugh. Then we can have lunch and we can play airplane. I’m going to teach my brother how to dance and how to run and put your finger in someone’s eyes. People don’t like that. You shouldn’t do that. I will say ‘No baby! Don’t do that!’ I’m going to be a big sister because I’m so big now.” And so on, and so on, and so on.
If I believed in karma I would say I’m being punished for being such a chatterbox as a kid but I’ll just blame it on genetics. :)
A Medical Miracle
We received a frantic phone call on Friday night from my MIL informing us that my little BIL (who is serving his mission in Arizona) “blew out his knee” and might have to be released from his missionary duties in order to come home and recuperate. She was upset for a few reasons; she is a mother and of course, she wasn’t able to speak to her son directly, she was surprised and didn’t have all the information she wanted and above all, she was upset about his mission experience being jeopardized. My BIL is loving his mission experience so far and part of the appeal for missionaries and their families is that it is such a long stretch. Two years is a long time to do anything consistently. It is a long time to not see loved ones, only talk to them on the phone 4 times and to commit yourself as a servant of the Lord. Doing the time is part of what makes it such a huge deal, so cutting it in half would have been very upsetting for everyone involved.
My MIL wasn’t totally sure what had happened but was told by the missionary President’s wife (who apparently is responsible for keeping other Mother’s informed of their kid’s accidents/injuries etc.) that they would call back on Monday with more information. There was much concern and worry and discussion about what this would mean.
We called today only to be referred to an email that she had forwarded to us. Basically, my BIL is the proud recipient of a genuine miracle of God. You can only imagine my frustration upon hearing his version of events. He hurt his knee playing soccer and knew right away it was bad. They took him to a doctor who felt it and told him that he thought he may have torn his MCL and to stay off of it for the next few days until he could get an MRI. The bishop came and did a blessing on BIL’s knee. The pain did not subside and it was still pretty bad. On Monday the Bishop came and did another blessing after which my BIL’s knee started to feel a bit better. At the very least, he felt better. When they got the results back from the MRI it showed a small tear in the MCL but there is no need for surgery and his mission won’t be affected. I could hardly stomach reading the email as he launched into his testimony and assurances that he has re-committed himself with even more fervor into bringing the Gospel to the people and that he knows this and that is true and how blessed he is to have been a witness to the glory and power of God’s miraculous love. Blah, blah, blah.
Here is what I would like to say but will not:
1. Your first doctor? Yeah, he misdiagnosed your knee. Not difficult to do when you’re just feeling around someone’s inflamed joint.
2. If the blessing was so effective, why did it take two of them?
3. Maybe the looseness that you attribute to a torn ligament was just loose ligaments that tightened up after you followed the doctor’s suggestions to ice and rest your knee.
4. And perhaps my biggest complaint with all claims of miraculous healing…who do you think you are?! Let me get this straight. This omnipotent and benevolent God who has the power to heal the sick and dying skips over the truly needy only to fix your knee? While you were receiving a priesthood blessing in Arizona, countless women were cradling dying infants and children in their arms, begging and pleading for their lives. Terminally ill people begged for mercy. Innocent babies lay in the dirt, listless from starvation and dehydration. By morning, thousands of people have died painful, agonizing and wholly undeserved deaths but God fixed your knee. Are you kidding me? This to me is the height of egotism.
I thought about saying something but this boy has drunk bathed in the kool-aid and is now handing out free samples, so he’s beyond reasonable debate at this point.
Where Do Babies Come From?
For most people, this is a simple enough question. We know how babies are conceived but if you believe in a soul, then the questions becomes a lot more complicated. This question lies at the root of many pro-life/pro-choice debates as well as the many different religious stances on sexuality, birth control, AIDS, and homosexuality. Your take on this question informs your belief in humanity and the essence which separates us from all other creations.
If you’re Mormon, it’s even more complicated. The Mormons believe in the premortal existence. A place where all the little souls of all the babies to be born are hanging out with God. (In the strictest sense, most religions believe in a pre-existence of the soul before it enters human form but surprise, surprise, nobody has made it as weird and convoluted as the Mormons). They also believe in three composite aspects of the human form; spirit, body and intelligence. Intelligence is a common human essence that is put into a spirit body which is then turned into a physical body. So, souls are not just souls, they are spirit bodies with their own intelligence. Still with me?
Unlike so many other religions that just let non-sensical doctrine stand, Mormons take the bold step of trying to explain this one step further. This is where they lead us into crazy land. So, the Mormons believe that since all these spirit body’s are around, they too must have been created. And how did they get created? Why, the same way physical bodies are conceived. So, now we have the Heavenly Father up in the sky with the Heavenly Mother and their infinite spirit body offspring. This is one of those things that makes non-Mormons go “Whu!?” because it is so against what many other Christian religions teach. The introduction of a heavenly mother who co-created each of us is viewed as blasphemous by many and another example of how the Mormons are not truly Christians.
“Jesus, however, is the firstborn among all the sons of God—the first begotten in the spirit, and the only begotten in the flesh. He is our elder brother, and we, like Him, are in the image of God. All men and women are in the similitude of the universal Father and Mother, and are literally the sons and daughters of Deity.” MFP 4:203.
(As a point of interest, the Mormons also believe that there are spiritual tests and challenges in the pre-mortal existence that will inform your later position in life. These learning opportunities are discussed in “councils in heaven” – a sort of department meeting between uncountable spirit bodies and the big honcho, Daddy God. Up until fairly recently (1978) Mormons believed that people were marked with dark skin for being fence-sitters in the pre-mortal existence, in the War in Heaven. Religion is like the Rabbit Hole in Alice in Wonderland – the deeper you go, the weirder it gets.)
The idea of the Heavenly Mother is part of the doctrine of eternal progression. Ooooh, you’re going to love this one. So, the church basically believes that the Heavenly Mother and Father were themselves once spirit children who received a physical body and were then rewarded for their good behaviour by being given a universe of their own. They were begotten from a Heavenly Mother and Father, who also had their own universe. And so on, and so on. This one (obviously) gets murky and the church has made great efforts to distance themselves from this, at least publicly. This is true for many reasons, the most obvious being because the whole idea is insane. It also goes directly against the teachings of the Bible by implying that there is not one God by many Gods and that each of us (if you are a man of course!) can one day hope to be rewarded with a planet and Godhood. It destroys its own basic principle of the eternal family (hard to all be hanging out together when each male is off being a God to his own universe) and leaves the church out there in the same realm as Scientologists and Raeliens. Even some Mormons seem unaware of this doctrine, despite it being a fundamental plank in their Plan of Salvation.
Deciding how many children you want to have is a personal and sometimes difficult decision. My husband and I talk about it a lot and neither one of us is ure how many we want. There are so many factors to consider – the kind of family you want to have, how much money you have, how easy/hard pregnancy is on your body and how hard baby’s are on your marriage. As a Mormon, a third party enters the debate. God. Yup, you have to pray and reflect on whether there are more babies already destined for your family, hanging out in spirit land just waiting for this one chance to receive a physical body and realize their eternal destiny. No pressure there. My SIL has gone against the direct advice of Doctors and had more babies – all because she had received a revelation that there were more spirit babies waiting for her. (Her pregnancies make her sick, sick, sick for the entire nine months and risk her life every time. She has nearly died with three out of four births and I’m not convinced she’s finished.)
So there you have it in a nutshell. Where babies come from. That is, if you are part of a very weird religion. Everyone else just has sex.
Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
I was interested to read some of the comments to my recent post On a Mission. I thought my approach was very tempered and a good way to open a dialogue. Nothing feels less comfortable to me than never addressing a major issue. I know there are times to address it and ways to approach things respectfully and lightly but never? Never, ever? That just feels wrong. So while I appreciate the idea that I should just leave things alone and the sentiment behind it, that ain’t me. I feel too strongly about this to just sit back and watch someone I care about become a morg. :)
The good news is, I got a great response from my BIL. I didn’t really think he would take it badly but I guess you never really know until you try. I won’t repeat verbatim what he wrote because I feel like that would be bad form but basically he agreed with me that credit should be given to doctors, technology, science etc. but that crediting God is also important because for many, it really is their faith that keeps them going. Fair enough I suppose.
He maintains that he has seen prayer at work (and gave me an example of a woman in his mission who has been trying to get pregnant and only a week after receiving a priesthood blessing, found out she was expecting. Oh, and the missionary correctly predicted it would be a girl) and that it is the greatest outward expression of inner faith. He wasn’t the least bit offended and so I am happy that I have started a discussion at the very least.
It is too easy for myths and stereotypes about atheists to persist when we fail to identify ourselves as such. So, in my reply to his email, I thanked him for his response and told him I thought it was well-considered and respectful (which it was) and that as an atheist, prayer is likely not something we will ever agree on but that there is always value in trying to understand the people you love. Baby steps.
The example of “prayer in action” that he gave me is so typical and so pervasive. To be able to see the example for what it is requires a lot; an acceptance of true coincidence, an understanding of basic statistics and probability, an appreciation for the human brain to create what it wants (“If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail” – Mark Twain) and the maturity to recognize that a lot of stories, are just down right lies. How do you effectively deconstruct this example in a way someone of faith can grasp where you are coming from? I mean, I know that there is only one way to end a drought (whether it be of the moisture or the baby variety) and so a prediction like that will almost always be true with time. I know that there are only two options for a baby and that predicting it’s a girl is not statistically relevant – not even close. I know that people tend to count the hits and ignore the misses and that it’s just as likely that the missionary told her she was going to get pregnant several times before she actually did, or that the story was revised to be even more faith-promoting with each repetition. I know that by no means does this example prove that prayer works and yet, for some, it does.
I feel lucky to have a strong background in science and I credit that largely for my atheism. I studied neuroscience with some very impressive people with wicked minds and an almost universal lack of belief in God. I learned how to think, deconstruct, spot the faulty assumption or premise and apply the scientific method to the world around me. It is not realistic to think that everyone could (or would want to) have that kind of experience. So, how do you teach basic critical thinking to young people in a way that isn’t threatening?
This could be a whole other post, but I’m a big believer that this should be taught to every student in the world. At least it would be a start.
Will keep you updated on BIL.
Babes…
Often in the mornings, my husband will bring our daughter into the bed if I am still asleep. Most days she proceeds to poke me, prod me, yell “Wake up Mama!” into my face and generally bug me until I get out of bed. On lucky days, she will lie beside me and cuddle with me for awhile. I wake slowly but happy to have her next to me. We chat, she kisses me and we sing or play little word games. Yesterday, hubby put her on his side of the bed and when I rolled over to look at her sweet angelic face, she said “I need some sex Mama.”
Thinking I might still be half asleep and clearly mishearing her, I said: “What!?”
“I need some sex right now Mama!”
I didn’t even know what to say. I was thinking to myself “How does she know what that is? Where did she hear that? What am I supposed to say to that!?”
Then she clarified. “Mama, my feet are like ice. I need some sex!”
Oh. Socks. No problem.
In Lieu of Prayers Send Doctors…
We have been trying to get pregnant for some time now and it is taking a bit longer than we anticipated. Then, a couple of days ago, I started experiencing awful pain in my lower abdomen and happened to take a pregnancy test. It was positive. Unfortunately, it turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy and after an emergency ultrasound and a rush of phone calls, concerned doctors and a particularly embarrassing tour through my doctor’s waiting room on a stretcher, I found myself in hospital awaiting surgery. My husband called the necessary people and informed them of what was happening and the reaction from the MIL was of course, that she would keep me in her prayers. I always appreciate the sentiment behind those kinds of things and I realize that they are often said out of habit and the uncomfortable feeling of not knowing what else to say. The point was, that she was concerned,thinking of me and hoping for the best.
I had a lot of time to think in the hospital and since that’s what I tend to do anyway, the extra time wasn’t really necessary (or healthy! I was treated by the nicest people and every nurse or doctor who I encountered was kind, friendly, professional and obviously very capable. I watched the machinery around me – from the ultrasound machine that first diagnosed the ectopic pregnancy, the heart monitors, the thermometers that took my temperature with a quick swipe over my forehead, to the little pads on my fingers that read my pulse and oxygen levels. Amazing. Eventually, when I was brought in to the operating room, I was put under with anaesthetic, had my blood sugar monitored continuously and the surgeons were able to inflate my abdominal cavity and perform laparoscopic surgery through three small incisions. That is incredible.
We take so much for granted these days but as a diabetic I am keenly aware of how much we rely on modern-day advances to keep us healthy. I’m glad my MIL prayed for me but I’ll put my money (and my life) on the side of science and technology any day.
Word of Wisdom?
We went to Mormon-land for Easter this year and we had a wonderful time (all while tip-toeing around the ever-present elephant in the room). I was sent down the road for frozen peas (I was just surprised it wasn’t Jello) and so I took my little girl along with me. It only took us five minutes to get back to the house. We walked in the door and my little one (who is nearly 2.5) said “We went store” to which Grandma (naturally) responded “What did you buy?” My daughter, in her airy and soft voice, replied, “Beer.” The town we were in is a very Mormon town and is dry, so beer was not even an option.
Perplexed and obviously thrown, Grandma offered to take my daughter outside to play. I stood at the door watching as she got into the little toy car in Grandma’s yard and started to “drive”. She stopped the car at Grandma’s feet, leaned her head right out the window and said, “Coffee, bagel please.” Awesome. By that point she might as well have said “Grandma, me a heathen. Please, save me.”
This of course led me to thinking about the Word of Wisdom.
For those of you who aren’t familiar, the Word of Wisdom is a health code followed by Mormons and is found in their Doctrine & Covenants (a book with revelations from God).
Basically the WofW prohibits the use of tobacco, wine and “strong drinks” and “hot drinks” and includes a list of foods that should be eaten and how much (“wholesome herbs and every fruit in the season therof”, meat, sparingly and only in times of winter and famine, and the benefits of grains, including “mild drinks” made of barley) and of course, the spiritual rewards that will come with adherence to the Word.
Adherence to this piece of doctrine has become central to its current membership. In order to enter the temple (which, if you are Mormon is all you ever really want to do apparently) you must be compliant with the WofW and it has evolved to become a point of great pride within the church.
What is not discussed in the church is the obvious discretion between what was originally written and what has become doctrine. Umm…meat, sparingly? Have you ever been to a Mormon picnic? The only things more present than meat are jello and mayonnaise! This part of the WofW is basically ignored and like all great religions, the membership doesn’t seem to notice or care.
The other part that is weird (and there are many) is the prohibition on “hot drinks”. Mormons are great lovers of hot chocolate. They also drink cider, and more recently, are starting to drink herbal tea. While caffeine itself is never mentioned in the WofW, some Mormons have interpreted the doctrine as such and the Brigham Young University campus still only serves caffeine-free Coke. Other Mormons don’t worry about caffeine at all. Some Mormons drink herbal teas (which is really getting close to the line) while others wouldn’t dare.
The prohibition on drinking alcohol is even more confusing, while more universally followed. Mormons will tell you they don’t drink alcohol – period. (I’m not sure where they stand on using vanilla in their baking but I’m sure some where in Utah is a store selling de-alcoholized vanilla extract) What they won’t tell you is that the original text of the WofW was quite open to people drinking beer and likely mead or something similar. The prohibition is on “strong drinks” while mild drinks made of barley were permitted. Ummm, how many mild drinks made of barley are you aware of? In fact, even the apostle Brigham Young Jr. ascertained that beer was okay, unfortunately for millions of Mormons, that was later reversed by the church.
The Word of Wisdom, in my opinion is a shining example of what can happen when millions of people don’t think for themselves. Content to rely on church leaders and willfully ignorant of their changing opinions, most Mormons aren’t even aware that a discrepancy exists. They don’t read the original text in any kind of critical way because they are discouraged from doing so. They don’t stop and ask themselves why some of them drink caffeine while others don’t, or wonder why Jesus would drink so much wine and then ban it down the road. (Oh wait – the church actually teaches people that Jesus drank grape juice, not wine. I’m sure all those people in Cana were excited about the newly produced vats of grape juice. Sigh.) They seem to fail to see the problem with eating giant steaks, all summer long.
The ability of the human mind to perform logic-defying stunts of mental gymnastics is truly astounding.
I put the Christ in Christmas. I also put it in “Holy F&%@n Christ”.
So, I know I’ve been off the radar for a while and I apologize. Getting caught up in life I suppose. With Christmas coming I, like most people, have been busy preparing and trying to get things organized before we head off to visit our respective families. One of which, as you know, is Mormon. Seriously Mormon. As in NO booze, NO coffee, NO tea. I am already dreading a Christmas morning without a hot cup of coffee in my hand not to mention the family tradition of having french food without any wine. Any respectable french person would cringe at the thought of raclette, cheeses and fresh bread without a drop of Bordeaux. Despite what many believe, Martenelli’s does not cut it. Ever.
Christmas can be a divisive time of year for the atheist community (if you can even call it that). Some people believe strongly that we should make a point of shunning all things Christ-like, ban the word “Christmas” all together and use the season as an opportunity for religion-bashing. Others see Christmas as they do every other time of year…as an opportunity to deny their true feelings about religion and remain cloaked and quaking in the closet of atheistic anonymity. I like to think I fall somewhere in the middle. I use the word Christmas. I also use the word holidays. Or Xmas when I’m writing informally. I have a tree and I do the gift thing and while I refuse to put up a manger or put an angel on the top of my tree I don’t go out of my way to be a Jesus scrooge. Except for the few opportunities I had to replace baby jesus with a donkey in the nativity scene. Can you really blame me?
It’s always a tough call for me…do you make a point and say something or just let it slide. Always staying quiet makes me complicit in the ridiculousness that is faith. Always saying something makes me the asshole nobody wants to hang out with. Guess you have to pick your battles. So, I will close my mouth but not my eyes at Christmas dinner when we pray and I will refrain from pointing out that “Hey! Those wise men are all black! WTF?!” and I might even capitulate and sit nicely while we read the Christmas story as long it gets called a story and not a Christmas fact. But I’m bringing a go-cup and I’m making instant coffee in the microwave on Christmas morning and at least then the general climate of hypocrisy might be overtaken by the smooth aroma of a dark roast assaulting the virgin nostrils of my in-laws.
Merry Christmas XMas WTF is wrong with you people? A Virgin birth? A star guiding some wise men who are so WISE that they walk around following stars? A manger which “scientists” now claim was actually a cave in a futile and weird attempt to legitimize the story?
Ummm…peace out.
Sick
Last night, we were getting our little girl ready for bed when hubby turned to me and said, “If I was still in the church, she would be learning to pray right about now.” WTF? She’s not even two yet!
The idea of teaching P to get down on her knees and recite some silly poem to the heavens, all in an effort to ingratiate herself to a brutal and inconsistent father in heaven (when she has a wonderful father right here on earth) is infuriating to me.
I have heard the argument made that teaching your kids to be atheist is no different than teaching them to have faith. You are indoctrinating them, either way. This is something I have struggled with because while I want P to think critically and rationally, I don’t want to force her to be a non-believer. I can say though, that I have never sat her down and told her anything about religion. Do you know why? Because she’s a baby! The idea that you would intentionally set out to introduce a supernatural being into a child’s reality before they have the skills or development to question it is sick and twisted. It’s taking advantage of a primed and vulnerable mind and it’s no wonder it is so difficult and painful for adults to leave the church when their faith is so deeply rooted in their infant brain.
I remember reading my hubby’s baby book not too long ago and feeling physically ill when I read this message from my MIL: “Brian received a gift of one dollar today and when I asked him what he was going to spend it on he told me he was going to save it for his mission, – Age 2″
Holy fuck.
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