The Moral Athiest?
This recent comment from Tom:
“Since you are not bringing up your child with religious beliefs or so. I think you would struggle as a parent, as your child will have no bounaries or limits when they’re older as they are not going to be brought up with religious discipline. I myself, am a catholic and found that religion helped me to suceed to the fullest and gave me limits and boundaries to do things and not do things (drinking, wild parties, etc) on an occasional basis. As a teenager, I did drink and went to parties but also had limits which I am so proud of having! Please dont ignore or bad mouth this post with your silly atheist rants. P.S- GOD EXISTS AND HE’S THERE IF YOU DONT LIKE IT!!”
…is a perfect opportunity to address atheism and morality. It is a big misconception that non-religious people must be lacking in either a moral compass or the ability to control their own behaviour. I have always struggled to understand this approach. Partly because it is illogical but mostly because it doesn’t take a lot of observational prowess to look around and see that it simply isn’t true.
In Tom’s case, he suggests that religion has provided him with a code on how to live. It has helped him to make the right choices (one could argue that they are not actually choices since they are religiously and socially driven) and avoid situations and decisions that would be harmful or otherwise “immoral”. I won’t argue that religions provides this for many people but it is not the only way to live a moral life. In my view, doing the “right” thing because you are are either afraid of retribution from the sky or seeking an eternal reward makes the act less moral by nature. Doing something for the benefit for your fellow man or simply because it the right thing to do, in my opinion, carries more weight, demands more respect and is often times more difficult. Blind morality is not morality at all.
There have been many studies done that suggest human infants are born with an already developed sense of right and wrong. Having children has only confirmed to me that most of the time, left to their own devices, children will be kind to one another and have a keen sense of justice. They don’t always know how to behave in a socially appropriate way but they have a raw sense of right and wrong at a very young age. Far earlier than they are able to understand religion.
It is also true that many cultures who are more secular in day to day life (Sweden, Japan etc.) do not struggle with immortality run rampant. They are not having drug-fueled orgies in the streets. They are having children and going to school and living their lives, and they are doing so as morally as anyone else. There are “good” people and “bad” people in this world and only a fool would argue that they can be identified merely by their adherence to one faith or another (or none at all).
Which leads me to my most obvious point. Am I the only person aware of all the human atrocities and decidedly “unmoral” acts perpetrated in the name of religion?! People are being beaten, women are being veiled, children are being abused and countries are being attacked right now. Today. In the name of religion and so called “morality”. When the rights and wrongs of human existence are codified (always by old men I might add) they offer humans an opportunity to divorce themselves from free thought and personal consideration. They are given license to follow, blindly and in many cases, interpret morality for themselves and for others. These codes of course come into conflict when they are forced to coexist. And so, you have one religion preaching one sets of moral codes and another religion, or people, following another set of moral codes. And then you have war. And the most base of human behaviour is put on display for the world to watch in horror (and judgement ironically enough).
There are basic laws which societies tend to adhere to, whether they are religious or not. Murder, infanticide, theft, rape (although marital rape is condoned in many cultures – particularly religious ones) and several others are for the most part, universal. They are social codes that function to keep the tribe united and relatively peaceful. They have been there from the beginning of time and were adopted by religions later on as an attempt to absorb what morality already existed in society. They were not invented by religions nor by the religious. Many other laws, change over time. In the old testament it was immoral to leave your son uncircumcised, to wear clothing of mixed fibres or to cross-breed any animals. Today, even fundamentalist Christians ignore these commands and pick and choose the “laws” they follow. Morality is not an immutable fact – it is an evolving and plastic reflection of the human condition and the state of our social development.
My daughter will be just fine. She will learn to do what is right because it is right. She will learn to evaluate a situation, look within herself and decide what path she wants to take. She will have a strong sense of self and we will foster a respect and love for nature, our fellow humans beings and the health of our planet. My husband and I were moral individuals when we were active members of our respective religions and we are just as moral (my husband would say he is even more so) now that we are atheists. My daughter will learn that as atheists, it is not that we believe in “nothing”. It is that we believe in personal accountability.
1 comment March 7, 2010
On a Mission…
Well, today is the day. My little brother-in-law left for the MTC (Missionary Training Centre) at 4:30 this morning and after 9 weeks of intense Spanish language training he will be dispatched to his mission in northern Arizona. Sigh.
In the end we decided not to say anything to him about his mission. We told him we loved him and that we would miss him. We told him he would do well and that is was an opportunity to grow. All of these things are true and yet, so much was left unsaid. Like, you would grow just as much by going to University or travelling the world. You will likely discover great things within you and despite what you believe, they will not be revealed by the holy spirit but by exercise, a life of routine and regimen and challenging yourself.
My husband still feels that his mission was a positive experience overall. He lived in France for 2 years and learned to speak fluent French. He became a great negotiator and public speaker and learned things about himself and about humanity more generally. He thrived in the almost military approach to schedule and exercise. They woke up at 6:00 every morning, lifted weights and prayed. They worked from morning until night and read scriptures. And then they did it again…for more than 700 days. He couldn’t see movies or listen to any music other than the tabernacle choir. He couldn’t read any books other than the approved missionary library that consisted of five church books. He was never alone. He went every where with his church appointed companion and ate what he could afford, which wasn’t much. He was encouraged to journal every day but like most things in the church, even that wasn’t really an exercise in individuality. Everything he wrote was filtered so that later generations would never hear of any doubts, stumbles or struggles. A big boring book of testimony.
But, he travelled and grew and made wonderful friends and learned about his strengths and weaknesses. He was challenged and directed and on his own for the first time in his life so I suppose I can see the appeal.
After much thought and consideration we decided to just be kind and supportive. My little brother is so excited and feels good about himself. He is heading off on his own for the first time ever and this is a very vulnerable point in his life. He came to our house for dinner the week before he left and we had a wonderful time. He is smart and thoughtful and in my opinion, too bright to stay a church member.
After he left I said to my husband, “Do you think he’ll leave on his own?” to which my husband replied, “Nope. I’m going to help him.”
Let’s hope that is exactly what happens.
Add comment March 4, 2010
Safe Rufus from the Rapture
I read this article this morning and couldn’t help but laugh. I wonder if the religious are ever able to step back from a particular belief, like the rapture, and see it in a new light. Does a strory like this ever make anyone realize how ridiculous certain beliefs are? I hope so. I hope that this morning some old cocker-spaniel loving lady read this article and thought “Wait a minute! I’ve never really thought about that. That doesn’t make a whole lots of sense.” And then I hope she picks at that loose thread until her entire belief system unravels and she is freed.
Which is not to say that I wouldn’t buy shares if this little doggy venture were to do go public.
Add comment January 5, 2010
I put the Christ in Christmas. I also put it in “Holy F&%@n Christ”.
So, I know I’ve been off the radar for a while and I apologize. Getting caught up in life I suppose. With Christmas coming I, like most people, have been busy preparing and trying to get things organized before we head off to visit our respective families. One of which, as you know, is Mormon. Seriously Mormon. As in NO booze, NO coffee, NO tea. I am already dreading a Christmas morning without a hot cup of coffee in my hand not to mention the family tradition of having french food without any wine. Any respectable french person would cringe at the thought of raclette, cheeses and fresh bread without a drop of Bordeaux. Despite what many believe, Martenelli’s does not cut it. Ever.
Christmas can be a divisive time of year for the atheist community (if you can even call it that). Some people believe strongly that we should make a point of shunning all things Christ-like, ban the word “Christmas” all together and use the season as an opportunity for religion-bashing. Others see Christmas as they do every other time of year…as an opportunity to deny their true feelings about religion and remain cloaked and quaking in the closet of atheistic anonymity. I like to think I fall somewhere in the middle. I use the word Christmas. I also use the word holidays. Or Xmas when I’m writing informally. I have a tree and I do the gift thing and while I refuse to put up a manger or put an angel on the top of my tree I don’t go out of my way to be a Jesus scrooge. Except for the few opportunities I had to replace baby jesus with a donkey in the nativity scene. Can you really blame me?
It’s always a tough call for me…do you make a point and say something or just let it slide. Always staying quiet makes me complicit in the ridiculousness that is faith. Always saying something makes me the asshole nobody wants to hang out with. Guess you have to pick your battles. So, I will close my mouth but not my eyes at Christmas dinner when we pray and I will refrain from pointing out that “Hey! Those wise men are all black! WTF?!” and I might even capitulate and sit nicely while we read the Christmas story as long it gets called a story and not a Christmas fact. But I’m bringing a go-cup and I’m making instant coffee in the microwave on Christmas morning and at least then the general climate of hypocrisy might be overtaken by the smooth aroma of a dark roast assaulting the virgin nostrils of my in-laws.
Merry Christmas XMas WTF is wrong with you people? A Virgin birth? A star guiding some wise men who are so WISE that they walk around following stars? A manger which “scientists” now claim was actually a cave in a futile and weird attempt to legitimize the story?
Ummm…peace out.
2 comments December 15, 2009
irreconcilable differences
One of the reasons I became an atheist and continue to feel so strongly about it is because I don’t like fence-sitting. There are times and situations in life that call for indecision – you don’t know enough about the subject at hand or there simply isn’t enough reliable information to go on. When it comes to most things however, you need to decide what you believe and then take that decision to its logical conclusion. It is a matter or integrity and morality with me and although I try not to be judgemental, I don’t have a lot of respect for that type of behaviour. I know a lot of people who don’t “really believe” in the church but who stay, serve their ward and baptize their kids. Inauthentic and deceitful are the nicest nice terms I can think of to describe that.
When applying the same approach to science and evolution I can’t help but become frustrated and the new washed down version of Christian-Evolution. I have heard this argument made by many Catholics (mostly because that’s what the Dope Pope has suggested happened) and more recently, by Mormons. (The church used to be staunchly anti-evolution but in the face of overwhelming evidence, seems to be softening on this point as of late.) So the story goes something like this: “Sure, evolution happened, but it was God who orchestrated it. Why wouldn’t He, in his infinite wisdom, use natural laws to create and expand life?” It’s a great approach since it allows for the obvious evidence of evolution while holding tightly to the paradoxical theory of creation. (Its biggest flaw from a strictly religious standpoint is that it allows for a non-literal interpretation of Genesis…) Its biggest flaw from a general perspective is that it’s stupid.
This kind of approach shows a huge misunderstanding of evolution and how it all works. Evolution is built on a foundation of random mutation (along with drift, natural selection etc.). There was no goal to evolution, no end point. Had one or two minute things gone differently, humans wouldn’t exist and another species would be taking our place in the hierarchy of life. Religious people cannot, no matter how much they protest to, believe in two mutually exclusive theories. They would have to believe that humans are not chosen, special, created in God’s image or the ultimate purpose for the world. It would throw any religion into turmoil to suggest that we are loved merely because we are the end result of a random experiment as opposed to being created with purpose. Working backwards it is easy to see why some people would assume we are the natural and obvious result of a long line of ancestors. Then, you retroactively apply the theory of evolution and voila!…it was all leading to us. The most divine of creatures. Except that evolution isn’t finished yet – not even close. And like I already said, we ended up here by beating out our competitors in the race of life – no more, and no less.
Religious people fight atheism fiercely because they are afraid of what it represents. They are afraid of being un-important and without purpose. They are terrified that they are alone in a universe that has no stake in their individual life. What they don`t yet realize, is that by embracing the Christian evolutionist stance they are accepting the very things they claim to reject. Welcome to the dark side.
Add comment November 4, 2009
It’s a small world after all…
My little sister-in-law is 19 and beautiful. She is smart and funny, a talented writer and photographer and despite a lot of pressure, she has managed to avoid the Mormon mold. Until now.
After graduating, she had some big ideas. Some very atypical (for Mormons at least – the acceptable range is so much narrower) ideas like traveling. Or volunteering somewhere in South America. She wanted to study fashion and live in London. While we did our best to offer support, money and anything else she might need to make these things happen, these ideas were abandoned. She met a boy, all her friends went on missions, she started talking about BYU Hawaii. We were a bit disappointed but BYU Hawaii was at least somewhere and the chilled atmosphere would suit her personality perfectly. It was still outside the normal range of expectations and so we were pleased. Then it became BYU Provo.
The most recent news is that she will be going to BYU Idaho (formerly Ricks College). And living with her best friend from high school. And will not meet a single non-Mormon during her entire stay. And she’s taking general studies. Basically, she’s passing time until she meets a returned missionary and gets married. I was devastated when she told me. Not because there is anything wrong with BYU Idaho (my husband went there for the year before his mission) or living with your best friend (even though this particular friend has not been good to my little sis and has been pushed on her by my MIL for years) but because the whole concept is so small and my little sister could do so much better. Being young is about meeting people with new perspectives, having your ideas and your identity challenged, learning and falling and growing and sometimes, getting a fresh start. My SIL won’t get any of that and I am so sad for her. And so goddamned angry at her family and the little piss-ant town she lives in. Sigh.
Add comment November 3, 2009
Sick
Last night, we were getting our little girl ready for bed when hubby turned to me and said, “If I was still in the church, she would be learning to pray right about now.” WTF? She’s not even two yet!
The idea of teaching P to get down on her knees and recite some silly poem to the heavens, all in an effort to ingratiate herself to a brutal and inconsistent father in heaven (when she has a wonderful father right here on earth) is infuriating to me.
I have heard the argument made that teaching your kids to be atheist is no different than teaching them to have faith. You are indoctrinating them, either way. This is something I have struggled with because while I want P to think critically and rationally, I don’t want to force her to be a non-believer. I can say though, that I have never sat her down and told her anything about religion. Do you know why? Because she’s a baby! The idea that you would intentionally set out to introduce a supernatural being into a child’s reality before they have the skills or development to question it is sick and twisted. It’s taking advantage of a primed and vulnerable mind and it’s no wonder it is so difficult and painful for adults to leave the church when their faith is so deeply rooted in their infant brain.
I remember reading my hubby’s baby book not too long ago and feeling physically ill when I read this message from my MIL: “Brian received a gift of one dollar today and when I asked him what he was going to spend it on he told me he was going to save it for his mission, – Age 2″
Holy fuck.
2 comments October 15, 2009
Love the sinner, hate the sin?
I’ve always thought the Christian motto of “love the sinner, hate the sin” to be a load of codswallup. How do you “love” someone while standing in judgment of them?
More recently though, I have found myself holding a similar motto in my mind as I navigate life with my little brother -in-law. He has recently been called to his mission (Arizona, spanish speaking) and everyone in the family is overjoyed. Except us. We are trying to walk the thin line of supporting him while not supporting his choice. He is so excited for this big adventure, and while we like th idea of him travelling and learning another language and want to help him financially and be there for him at this time of his life, we can’t support the reason he is going.
My husband has flip-flopped on whether or not to talk to him about any of this and we still haven’t completely decided. On one hand, we don’t want to put a damper on what is an otherwise exciting time in his life. At the same time, he is going to be challenged relentlessly for the next two years so he might as well get used to it.
Missions are well-designed in the sense that many young boys (and girls) really find themselves while they are away. My little bro will likely lose the weight he needs to lose, find discipline, structure and a sense of accomplishment he’s never had before. He will be welcomed and applauded every Sunday in church and will work harder than he’s ever had to, all in the name of God. Our fear is that we know he will attribute all of these positive things to the mission itself as opposed to the structure and regular exercise it brings.
Hubby wants to talk to him about that and a few other things he himself experienced on his mission so that when they happen, the seed of doubt has already been planted. When the church tells him certain things that go directly against what he sees in the world (for example, that only church member are truly happy…just ignore the smiling Dad with his baby girl on his shoulders, eating ice cream in the park. He’s not really happy) he will have already been primed to see the inconsistency.
What we are more inclined to do however, is to just shut up, give him a hug and a $100 and send him on his way. There is going to be a lot of tongue biting between now and March.
1 comment October 11, 2009
Secular Sundays
In the US there are still many little places where the stores close on Sundays but Canada’s last holdout (Nova Scotia) succumbed to the secular Sunday this past year. While of course it is still a choice for an individual store owner whether they open or not, it is no longer legislated that they cannot remain open on Sundays. Of course, as a secularist I support this but I do wonder if we are throwing the baby out with the bath water.
In our house we want Sundays to remain a special day. The day will not be devoted to church or to god in any way but we hope to make it a day of peace and reflection. For us this will mean getting outside in nature. Being outside always makes me feel pensive and it gives me an opportunity to take stock and breathe. To prepare for the next week, to wonder aloud, what life is for and how we are going to live it. While I hesitate to use the word spirituality because of its supernatural connotations, I think it is important that we make time for that quiet part of us that can be drowned out by busy, loud lives.
My perfect secular Sunday would start off with a cooked breakfast and the opportunity to relax and read the newspaper or do a crossword while having a cup of coffee. Then we would go for a long hike in the mountains or walk in the park and hold hands, and laugh, and pick up leaves, and ask questions and talk. Our minds and our bodies would get some exercise. In the afternoon we would have a roast dinner of some kind. The day would be computer and work free. We could listen to music or play a board game and just enjoy being together.
Sundays might have been the only thing that religion ever got right.
What does your perfect “Secular Sunday” look like? Do you think its even necessary to make special time for self-exploration and quiet reflection?
1 comment September 22, 2009
Prayer ID Required
I have written before about prayer and how egotistical and irrational it really is. While I understand the emotional need to feel like you are “doing something” in a time of crisis, I think prayer is a perfect example of what can happen when you don’t actually stop and think about what you are doing.
Yesterday, a family friend was in a car accident and my MIL immediately started calling for prayers on Facebook. I have seen this a lot. I have been invited to prayer groups and been called to “pray for so-and-so because he/she needs your faith”. My response is to politely ignore the invitation, privately fume and move on. The thing I noticed yesterday however, was how many of these groups use the first name and last name of the people needing prayers. In the cases I’ve seen this is intended for those who don’t know the person personally but wish to add them to their prayers.
So, I can assume that God needs surnames? Should people perhaps include birth dates or addresses when praying on their behalf? Is there a risk of identity theft in heaven? What if there were two Steve Smith’s battling cancer and God was having bad day? Would one man live and the other die? If I just prayed for “Bob” would some guy in Utah sit up from his hospital bed while my friend remained in a coma?
Ridiculous right?
Right.
Add comment September 15, 2009
